


Schoolboy crushes

by accidental_damage



Series: Things will never be the same [1]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Asshole Frank Iero, Bullying, Coffee, Depression, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:58:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8223023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accidental_damage/pseuds/accidental_damage
Summary: Frank and Gerard used to be best friends. Like two peas in a pod, Gerard's grandma would always say. Then high school happened....Frank doesn't even acknowledge Gerard's existence unless he and his friends are terrorizing Gerard.Gerard doesn't mind though. To be honest he loves Frank...He always has.





	1. Lovelessly in pain...or is it the other way around

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just your average/normal/cliché fanfic...Mostly. I wrote this more than a year ago on Wattpad and just recently decided to put it on here because why not? Read on if you dare.

**Gerard**

 

"Damn Gee, is there any coffee left?" Mikey grumbles as walked into the kitchen where Gerard sits at the table drinking his fourth cup of coffee. "I swear you drink the whole damn pot every morning."

"I don't drink that much." Gerard purses his lips, "And besides if you want your coffee so damn badly then don't spend as much time on your makeup."He ends his statement with a loud gulp of his black as hell coffee.

"Well not everyone can do their makeup as perfectly as you, Gerard."Mikey states, walking quickly towards the coffee maker, no sound being made from him as he does so.

He grabs his sparkly unicorn mug Gerard got him for Christmas and pours some in, a rare happy noise escaping from Mikey. He buries the coffee with sugar and creamer, much to Gerard's horror, it's basically coffee flavoured sugar for godsakes.

"No cursing, boys."Mom reminds them as she walks into the kitchen, putting in her small diamond earrings. It's like she has fucking _mind_  powers or something. Fucking Professor X.

His mother is already wearing her work clothes, a pantsuit with a rich burgandy colour. Her high heels and lipstick match perfectly but over all she looks like a wine stain in carpet. Her hair...is what you'd expect from a Jersey mother. Bleached blonde and teased to hell and back.

"Gerard, are you wearing eyeliner? You're supposed to be setting a good example for your brother! I'd have half a mind to not let you two stay here alone over the two weeks I'm going to be on that business trip if I wasn't pressed for time."She scolds, that dreaded frown already appearing on her face.

Gerard can barely suppress a snort. His mother really thinks his brother is _so_  innocent. It wouldn't help for her to know he had found Mikey tied naked to his bed last week. It was a sight that held him both wheezing in laughter at the sheer ridiculousness and the horror as well. That's _not_ something you want to see.

"No need to be hasty, ma."Mikey says anxiously, swinging his bone thin legs against the cabinet doors as he sits on the recently cleaned granite counter.

"Mm hm...Well I need to get going if I'm going to get to get there in time."Mom sighs and strolls over to Gerard, leaning down to try and kiss his forehead with her painted lips.

He manages dodge her but she still gets him and Gerard scrubs at his cheek with a frown as she does the same to Mikey who give little to no resistance. He's used to it.

As soon as she has left, Mikey jumps off the counter with ease and flops down in the chair across from Gerard's. He lays his head down on his crossed arms, his eyes barely slits.

"So are you ever gonna tell Frank about how you feel about him?" He mumbles, a loud yawn following barely a second after.

Gerard's not surprised by the question. It's been asked so many times how could he be? Besides...It's a fair question anyhow.

"He doesn't even know I exist."Gerard sighs, shaking his head causing his greasy black hair to fly everywhere briefly.

"You two used to be so close..."Mikey trails off,"I don't get what happened."

Mikey is right, he guesses. They did _used_ to be incredibly _close...Used to be_..but Gerard has loved him ever since Kindergarten. Doesn't sound like it could be true, he knows, but it is. He's honestly loved him ever since he first laid eyes on him. 

_Gerard walks down the long beige hallway timidly. Mr.Ross chose him specially to take a message to Mr.Urie on the kindergarten hall. He said Gerard is responsible!_

  _Gerard keeps walking as slowly as possible until he finally reaches the door he knows well. Mr.Urie was his teacher in kindergarten but its been a long time since he's been in there! He peeks in through the long thin window seeing all the smaller than him kids. He's bunches older than them!_

_Gerard knocks meekly after a few minutes of standing there and a voice immediately calls,"Come in!"_

_He_ _slowly opens the door,_   _ho_ _ping_   _no_   _one notices him but of course_ _everyone_ _does. They all stare_   _at_   _him like_   _he_   _was an animal_ _at the zoo. He hates staring people. Gerard scampers up to the big teacher desk and hand the man with a big forehead the message. His face lights up as he reads it._

_"Thank you, Gerard."He says sincerely before clapping his hands,"Now class this is Gerard. He is a first grader just like you will be next year. Say hi to Gerard."_

_A chorus of voices bellow out and he hides his blushing face_ _in his hands,"Hi Gerard."_

_Gerard looks up and focuses on one boy in particular. He is the loudest out of all of them as if he's making up for being the shortest one. He has marker all over his arms and short, wild brown hair. He smiles widely at Gerard waving wildly. Gerard blushes waving back timidly. Flutters go through his stomach as sees the boy staring at him with a wide smile. It's like butterflies. He start to panic then...Theres butterflies in his stomach!!_

_Before he can run out away from the butterflies the boy comes running up to Gerard stopping with his face very close to Gerard's._

_"You have pretty eyes."He giggles rubbing his grubby hands against his paint splattered pants,"My mommy said you should always compliment someone that you want to be your friend."_

_"You...You have pretty eyes too." Gerard flushes, only whispers escaping as he looks to the ground._

_"I'm Frank." The boy squeaks, a wide grin plastered on his marker smudged face._

_Gerard looks up hesitantly, "I'm Gerard."_

_"I know, silly." Frank squeals, "You're my best friend now."_

_He grabs Gerard and pulls him into a tight hug, "Best friends forever."_

"Hello? Earth to Gerard."Mikey waves his bony hand infront of Gerard's face insistently trying to catch his attention.

He smacks Mikey's hand away irritably, _"What?"_

"Its time to go, dipshit." He points out, rolling his eyes.

Gerard rises with a groan, bones creaking as he makes sure he has everything before heading outside. Even though it's already seven, the moon can still be vaguely seen through the swirling pearly clouds. It takes two tries before his car will start and he counts that as win really. Sometimes it won't even _start._

It only takes about twenty minutes before they make it to their school leaving them ahead in their schedule. That almost _never_ happens. Gerard drops Mikey off at the front entrance before finding a parking spot in the nearly full student lot. He makes sure his satchel is safely around before he makes a dash towards the metal double doors that lead into the school, trying desperately not to attract the attention of a certain...group that likes to make his life a living hell.

"Hey fat ass!" Gerard tenses up with a groan, so much for that.

He ignores them intentionally, breaking into a speed walk. Fuck, he needs to make it to Mikey. They won't fuck with him if he gets to Mikey...They know better. Mikey would murder them with his bare hands if he knew.

"I know you hear me, fat ass. Don't ignore _me!"_ Bert hisses not far behind him.

Gerard gets so near the doors but Mikey is nowhere in sight. If he makes it in the school he might. Any thought that could be going through his mind is cut off abruptly as he's shoved roughly against the dark brick wall. _Fuck._

"I know you heard me, _faggot."_ Bert chuckles nastily, his sour breath blowing unpleasantly at the back of Gerard's neck.

He whirls Gerard swiftly around to face him and punches him in the gut with an ugly grin as Gerard fights the urge to want to curl up on himself at the sudden shock of pain.

"That didn't fucking hurt, you little pansy." Bert snarls angrily causing Gerard to recoil and hit his head hard on the wall. "Pete, get the fuck over here and help me teach this fag not to ignore me."

Gerard glances over his shoulder and, of course, along Pete's side is none other than Frank fucking Iero wanting to beat the shit out of him too. Probably wanting Bert's fucking approval. They're over here in a flash and Pete wraps his dark, greasy hair in his fist before punching him twice in succession as the dark haired boy struggles to get free. Dark blood starts to run hotly down his face soon enough and he groans as the grip on his doesn't show any sign of lessening.

Finally he throws Gerard to the ground with a look of utter disgust on his face as he shakes his hand as if that'll get the thick liquid off his hand,"You got your fucking blood on me, fucking freak."

"Come on finish this fag, Frank."Bert snaps, crossing his arms.

Gerard dares to look up at Frank's determined face but no recognization is in sight as he kicks Gerard as hard as he could in soft stomach. He groans, tears pricking up as Frank continues his abuse on Gerard's upper half. He only stops when Gerard curls up and accepts defeat, bruises littered everywhere on his tired body.

"Lets go, guys."Bert barks harshly, stomping away clearly not caring if his cronies are following him.

Frank glances at him one last time before he takes off after them and Gerard pretends that he didn't see what he thought he did. It's only wishful thinking.

Mikey comes running up as on cue and Gerard's never been more relieved to see him 

"Oh shit, Gee. Let's get you to the nurse."He exclaims, giving his older brother a sympathetic look that he wishes he didn't know so well.

Mikey helps him up, letting him hold on to his bony arm as he limps towards the door. Looks like just another fucking day....

 


	2. Grandma Elena knows best!

**Gerard**

 

"Oh honey, what did you ever do to those boys?"Grandma Elena sighs, dabbing at the blood that has now ceased to a sluggish trickle, "And little Frank Iero. You two used to be so close and now he's one of those that causes you all this pain."

"I know, grandma." Gerard grumbles irritably, closing his eyes with a wince before opening them again, "Mikey, you can go to class now. I don't want you to be late."

"Nonsense, Gee. I want to make sure you're okay."He replies, crossing his bony arms.

"Mikes, this isn't even that _bad."_  Gerard mumbles unconvincingly.

"Yeah, it's bad when they break one of your arms then laugh about it. Not even feeling sorry." Mikey trails off, irritation laced heavily through his words.

"So your mother is going to be gone this week and the next?"Grandma Elena cuts in, quick to change the subject. She's a fucking _saint._

The bruised boy nods quickly causing a roll of slow pain to coarse through him and he grimaces, fuck he should have _known._

"Well I think I'll come over to see you boys later after school." She smiles sweetly, "We can make pancakes...And maybe cupcakes for Mikey's _...ehem..._ special friend if he chooses to come around."

Gerard glances over to see Mikey's reaction but he remains expressionless despite the fact of his face turning an unnatural shade of red.

"He's not a special friend, grams." Mikey mumbles lowly, but it doesn't go unheard.

"Mm hm, well in any case I'll make cupcakes since he loves them so much."Grandma Elena grins and he can tell she's barely holding back a fit of laughter.

The late bell suddenly goes off and Mikey jumps startled as hell, which in turn makes Gerard have to bite back laughter. He doesn't like to be laughed at.

"Well Gerard, looks like the bleedings pretty much stopped but I don't have any makeup to help make those nasty bruises less noticable. Would you like to go home for the day?"Elena inquires, propping her head up, silvery gray coming out of her loose bun."This isn't exactly a little scrap. Besides you have a rather good attendance record. I don't think one day would hurt."

Gerard throws a glance to Mikey,"I don't know. I don't want to leave Mikey. There'll be no one to drive him home."

"Already taken care of. I'll bring him home "She chirps cheerfully, so he nods finally not knowing what else he can do.

Mikey's expression is one of that who clearly doesn't give a damn to anyone who doesn't know him but he clearly doesn't like the arrangement.

"Now go!"

"Huh?" Gerard tilts his head in confusion, goddamn he didn't hear _shit._

"I said you'd better go home and have a nap. It'll make you feel better, just don't lay on your face. Now go!" Grandma Elena gestures at him in a shooing manner and he can barely keep his smartass remark under wraps.

Gerard somewhat resistantly rises from his usual chair and heads out the door into the hallway, Mikey not far behind. While he closes the door, he can already seeing Mikey biting his painfully short nails. They'll be fucking stubs soon if he forgets to stop biting.

"So do you want come home with me?" Gerard asks, needing reassurance.

"Nah. I need to keep up with my studies anyways. You should be getting home. I'll see you when I get home."Mikey yawns then gives his older brother a one-armed hug before sprinting off down the hall, leaving Gerard alone.

Gerard watches him till he disappears before he'll let himself make his way in the opposite direction of the long plain hallway, jesus this place could use some colour.

"Where are you going, young man?"Gerard winces before hesitantly turning around. _Goddamn_

The principal is standing there looking as forbidding as forever.His button down shirt has some mysterious type of stain on it and even from the short distance away Gerard can still smell the mixture of his B.O. and unpleasant cologne. His dark eyes hold no softness, only a cold anger.

"I was about to head home. The nurse told me I should leave because I might be contagious."Gerard coughs rather unconvincingly but the principal backs away, barely hiding the disgust and alarm plastered on his doughy face.

"Very well, Way."He grumbles, disappearing for a second but that's enough for Gerard to get his ass out of there.

Gerard rushes to his car, dark hair still hanging limply towards his shoulders. When he sits, he goes to start the car. Only for that hideous faint headed feeling to reach him once again. He lets his head rest for a bit, eyes clenched shut.

Fuck. Not _this_ again. Gerard breathes in and out deeply, willing it to fade.

Finally, after like twenty minutes Gerard forces himself to open his eyes and turn on his car which _thankfully_ starts on at the second try before he can get his ass out of there.

It's unusually quiet when he gets inside. Gerard's pretty used to quiet by now but there's always _some_ noise. At least sometimes anyways. There's only so much noise two or three people can make. 

Gerard gazes up at the pictures on the aging flower patterned wallpaper, all varying in date and people. Mikey and him at the zoo, his first birthday. There's even one with his father in it...The only one. 

It's like they're all glued in his mind but it's always the one at the top that makes his heart ache with longing for those careless times so _far_ away. Frank's face and his own stand out, grinning so widely as if they could take on the world. Chocolate cake covers their little faces and you can clearly see Frank holding his hand. That's how it was back when they were young. It didn't matter what anybody said.

Sometimes, Gerard wishes he could just understand _why. Why_ he chose to abandon him when they were supposed to be best friends for the rest of their fucking lives.  _Why_ he started to be cruel to him instead and act like Gerard was the worst of the worst scum on earth. Gerard honestly asked himself this question time and time again but still no answer surfaces.

Gerard finally manages to tear his eyes away from the photo after a bit and heads towards the bathroom next to his basement. He flicks on the light before feeling all the air rush out of his lungs leaving him empty. One of his eyes was lined with a puffy blue-black colour and blood stained his skin underneath his aching nose. The dark haired boy knew if he were to pull up his shirt there would be bruises...plenty of bruises.

They've done worse, though, this is like a little scrape compared to what it could be. They could have broken his arm like they did back in 9th grade. It had hurt so badly and it was the arm he used to draw with too. 

Gerard sighs inwardly as he decides to take his grandma's advice. A nap might do him some good. If he doesn't roll on his face that is. He makes sure the lights are all off before heading down to his basment bedroom. 

The strong smell of old pencil shavings and paint hits him like a brick wall as he makes his way down, it seems a bit overwhelming at first but it soon seems to settle down a bit and feel almost comforting. It always reminds him of the old comic books he has read and loved, all the artwork he's fond of.

It's funny really. How people actually think he's good at art. Namely his family and _very few_ friends. Also maybe Mikey's boyfriend. Gerard's never really been good at art...so what if he _does_ love to draw vampires and all types of "weird" shit? It doesn't mean he's actually good at it...but he still has the nickname from the teachers of being the strange kid that's great at art. What the other students say, however, is another story.

Gerard wades through the mess that is his room with purpose as he searches for what he desires. Finally with a cry of victory, he uncovers a pair of red kiss pajama bottoms and a shirt with Frank N Furter on it. He fucking loves Frank N Furter and he'll _never_ not wear a pajama set. 

The hazel eyed boy makes quick work of getting dressed, his previous clothes strewn here and there. He crawls underneath his heavy cover, eyes already threatening to shut. His whole body feels heavy as he manages to shift into a comfortable position. His mind wanders and he, as always, finds himself in a different world....

" _Eat some cake."Frank giggles mischievously as he smushes incredibly sticky cake onto Gerard's face._

_"Only if you do too!"Gerard flushes red, as he smears some all over the smaller boy's cheeks and forehead._

_He pulls Gerard into a tight hug, smiling widely as Gerard's mother snapped a photo, chuckling at sight of the two._

_Frank turns to him, his small face suddenly serious before he bursts out with giggles as he pecks Gerard on the forehead like his mother does. He opens his mouth and says-_

"Wake up, asshole."

Gerard coughs as he's forced back into reality, everything all blurred _over, "What?"_

"Grams and Ray are here."He replies, staring down at Gerard with a completely blank face until he finally sits up, uncomfortable in his brother's creepy ass stare.

"You need to be a fed or something, _geezus._ You could make anybody crack with that."

Mikey rolls his eyes before going on up the stairs once again, disappearing before he reaches the door in the darkness that's cast all around the room. Gerard sighs as he flops back down, content to just lie there but, of course, it can never be like that.

Finally, he forces himself up, not even sparing what must a horrific sight a glance as he stumbles up the stairs and through the picture covered hallways and into the living room. If he hadn't stopped then he would have fell on the discreetly placed Ray.

"Oh um. Hey Ray, didn't see you there." Gerard mumbles awkwardly, trying not to look at the poofy haired man.

"Oh hey...uh _Gerald._ "Ray looks the most uncomfortable Gerard's ever seen him. Most likely because of what he left for someone to find.

Gerard walks on into the kitchen as quickly as he can to escape the hell that is that breeding nest of awkward. In here, at least, there's flour already out and everything is ready for making cupcakes and all that fun shit.

"Oh _hi,_ honey, want to help me make some cupcakes while Mikey and his boyfriend do their thing?" Elena says, not even needing to turn around to see it's him. That's his fucking grandma for you. 

"Why not? _Ooh,_ they should have the pink frosting!" Gerard stares intently at the pastel pink frosting they had clearly been made earlier.

"He isn't my boyfriend!" Mikey protests and they can't help but laugh. He knows they know.

"Come on now, honey bun. Beat this batter while I work on some more frosting!" She smiles cheerfully as if without care and she looks younger than her age.

Gerard can't help but smile back as he takes the big spoon from her and sets to work on the vibrant red batter," 'kay."

 


	3. Coffee=Life

Gerard

 

"Oh honey, you have a bit of batter on your face." Grandma Elena chuckles, sounding much like nails on a chalkboard as she pulls out the cupcakes with a flourish.

Gerard rushes through the clean but cluttered living room to the thankfully open bathroom. He chooses to ignore the badly drawn penis on the side of the mirror in royal red.

A little bit his _ass._ The thick, sticky batter covers a good portion of his face like some horrible tanner. He grabs up a red washcloth and runs it under warm water quickly before setting at scrubbing at his face till his skin is mostly back to it's usual paleness. Finally, he just tosses it to the side, his hand aching as he walks back to the living room where Ray and Mikey fly apart looking disgruntled at Gerard's sudden entrance.

"Having fun?" Gerard grins suddenly, barely able to suppress his laughter as Ray scowls. "You _probably_ shouldn't be doing that in here, though. I'd rather not get blinded."

Mikey's face immediately reddens and he practically drags Ray out of the room as soon as possible, Ray looks positively pissed and Gerard can't help but double over with laughter as he makes it to the kitchen, tears rolling down his coloured cheeks as he tries to get ahold of himself.

The heavenly smelling cupcakes sit next to the oven, already covered in hot pink frosting with swirls of yellow-orange. It's not a particularly appealing combination but he knows how appearances can be deceiving.

"Go ahead. Have one."

"Hey Lindsey."Gerard murmures as he grabs a napkin and picks up a cupcake, this fucking frosting _stains._

"How do you always know it's me?" Lindsey chuckles, messing around with a lock of her hair.

"I _should_ know your voice by now know. Oh and you also walk you have millions of bricks tied to your ankles." 

"It's actually the chip on my shoulder that makes me walk heavily.  _Oh and_ you know you _love_ me."Lindsey mocks him as she grabs a cupcake herself. "Nice pants by the way.

"Oh yeah, _totally!_ 'Cause pajama bottoms are _soo_ fashionable." He gestures around wildly as if a show to go with his sarcastic words."You don't look too bad yourself."

"On you they are, and I know right?! Jamia helped me pick it out a few days ago." Lindsey grins, not noticing how he recoils at the mention of her name.

As much as he hates to admit it, though, it _does_ look good. Her black pants are tight leather with a maroon tank top. A thin jacket tops it off with silvery faux fur around the hem of the hood paired with boots almost to the knee with a long row of buckles all along the sides.

"Oh shit, sorry I forgot but you _do_ know fashion you know." She perks up suddenly, "Well, uh, I better get going so I'm only like fashionably late and not I-did-this-on-purpose late to the party, you know? Plus I'm supposed to be meeting someone there."

"Is there honestly any difference...I- did you say you're meeting someone? Who is it?" Gerard questions, his expression clearly one of disdain. Lindsey _was_ like a sister to him after all.

"It's no one. No one you know or like anyways." She trails off, looking at the chomped on cupcake in her hand like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

"Well who is it anyways?" He presses, crossing his arms stubbornly.

"It's no one...honest." She mumbles, setting the cupcake down in it's place.

"Whatever." Gerard sighs, "Have fun with no one then."

She doesn't bother to answer him as she's quickly out the kitchen door, clearly wanting to get the hell away from him as fast as she could before Gerard could manage to drag some answers out of her...And he fucking would have.

Gerard rubs his temple in a failed attempt to suppress the tell-tale aching in his head _...fuck._ Even as one of the few "friends" he has, she's still very, _very_ fucking annoying. He doesn't even want to _think_ about what that means about him.

He ambles out of the kitchen, feeling better than he did before he ate that cupcake. His grandma's baking is like fucking magic or something. Maybe his _grandma_ is magic. Whatever it is, her cooking has never failed in lifting his spirits.

As he enters the living room, he comes face to face with none other than Mr. Ray Toro looking less than pleased to see Gerard. Don't worry, though! The feeling's mutual.

"Cupcakes are done."Gerard chirps in a singsong voice that was just _meant_ to be incredibly annoying but Ray still perks up at the certain C word.

_"Cupcakes?"_

" _Mm hm_ , yum yum, dude."Gerard tosses the remains of his cupcake into Ray's hair with a purely evil grin as it lands frosting first, he's gonna have a hell of a time getting that shit out.

" _Dude_ , you live to torture me don't you?"Ray groans, starting to pick the cupcake out of his hair as he makes his way towards the kitchen, _"Shit."_

Gerard yawns lowly as he plops down on his bed, springs squeaking as he lays out with his eyes nearly closed. Thank fuck it's Saturday tomorrow. He doesn't think he could fucking make it if it was any other.

He shuffles awkwardly up the bed after a few minutes and gets his head _just barely_ on his pillow before he just gives up, feeling so, so heavy. Yeah making cupcakes tires him out now, so fucking what? The dark haired boy tugs the warm covers over him with a quiet noise of relief as he feels it wash over him. He doesn't even let the annoyingly sticky batter in his hair stop him as he fades from consciousness.

 

~~~~

 

Gerard ambles up the seemingly endless flight of stairs, suspiciously clean towel over his shoulder as he holds onto the railing with a deathgrip. It would only be his fucking luck if somehow fell and broke his fucking neck trying to actually do something _productive._

The bathroom is thankfully empty when he finally manages to reach the stupid thing. He tosses his black towel onto the counter and wrinkles his nose when his hair smacks him in the face. He's gonna _have_ to wash that shit. Gerard makes quick work of getting his clothes off and jumping under the heaveningly warmth of the liquid falling down upon him. 

By and by he starts to smell less like a mixture of wet dog and jizz...and more like roses. His hair is really the only part that refuses to get clean, if you don't include his mind, but soon enough all the grease is out and he feels less like a trash bag.

Gerard lets his(for once)clean hair fall back into its usual rats nest as he wraps the towel carefully around him once he realizes he brought _no goddamn clothes_ with him.

He scoops up his clothes with one hand and hold his towel up with the other before he sneaks out into the hallway. He makes it to his door without any incidents and-

"Hey Gee, have you seen m-...oh uh...um _bye._ "Mikey scampers away, blushing wildly as he disappears from sight.

Gerard rushes into his room, face flushed pink as he makes sure the door is locked before he lets his towel fall. He completely skips underwear and heads straight for the tight-as- _fuck_ jeans and a David Bowie shirt along with a pair of black boots he hasn't seen in a while. He tops it off with a thin smudged line of eyeliner before he'll let himself out of his room.

He just completely ignores Ray's crazy stare of whatever the fuck has got his panties in a bunch now as he makes his way to the kitchen, desperately wanting his precious.

He only has to walk in to know something's off...There. Is. No. _Coffee._ He gasps, clutching his chest like the fucking drama queen that Mikey's friends say he is.

Gerard ignores the inquires of _everyone_ as he decides to just go for some goddamn coffee. It doesn't take him too long to get to the older coffee shop near his house and to its credit it's not actually fucking _crowded._

Gerard forces himself not to let on he knows the chick at the counter is staring at him as he orders his vanilla soy latte. He takes a seat not too far from the window but close enough to where he can see out as he takes sips from his coffee. Fuck water...he's made up of mostly coffee.

_"Gerard?"_

His heart jumps in his chest at his name being called but ignores it. They're most likely not talking to him. There are hundreds of Gerards in New Jersey.

 _"Gerard_ ...Gerard Way?? It's me, Jamia!"

Gerard winces and ever so slowly looks up, seeing none other fucking _Jamia_ and Frank fucking Iero right next to her looking as pissy as ever.

Well fuck 

 


	4. I'll McCracken your head

**Frank**

 

_"Gerard??"_

_"Gerard_ ...Gerard Way?? It's me, Jamia." She squeals happily and Frank glances at his girlfriend irritably before he finally notices an incredibly pale boy with long, greasy black hair who is visibly reacting as if he'd much rather remain hidden from sight.

Jamia suddenly grabs his arm, her nails digging in painfully as she drags him over to the ghostly looking motherfucker. What the fuck is up with this shit?

"Hey _Gerard,_ it's me Jamia! I've been meaning to talk to you." She smiles down at the boy sweetly and Frank feels his insides twisting as he looks him over with a critical eye.

"Uh hey?" He mumbles from behind his coffee cup, looking less than pleased with the situation.

"Lindsey said you're pretty fucking fabulous when it comes to fashion so I thought we should totally fucking hang out sometime and like compare, make ideas and all that good shit!"

"Uhh..."The dark haired boy looks impossibly uncomfortable and Frank can barely keep from rolling his eyes, what the fuck is even up with this dude?

"So like what do you think of that idea?"

The boy doesn't really seem to be listening though for some fucking reason. He keeps glancing over her shoulder at _something_ but he doesn't really know what. The darkness in his eyes, however, Frank knows well. It's a mixture of pain and perhaps restrained anger for some goddamn reason but the barely covered bruises littering his face and other exposed skin is some clue to the source of it. He must be that emo dude. The one they beat up the other day. What the fuck ever.

 _Gerard ,_ are you even listening?"Jamia demands, snapping Frank out his thoughts and seemingly the dark haired boy too.

"Uhh.."The boy coughs rather falsely and quickly looks away from where he was blatantly staring.

"I _said_ we should hang out sometime!"She replies in a rather...chipper tone and the boy ducks his head down as if he thinks it'll help him hide.

"I don't think that could work."He mumbles, voice cracking like a fucking pansy or some shit like that,"I'm busy...like all the time."

"Oh...okay."Jamia is quick to cover up her immense sadness but Frank still catches it. He glares pointedly at the _faggot_ with all the anger he can muster, hands clenched into fists. Who the fuck does he think he is?

"Uh...yeah. I gotta go."With that, the boy dashes out of his seat and threw the doors as if he's expecting to be bombarded with boiling hot coffee without even waiting for Jamia's fucking answer.

As soon as he's completely out of sight, she plops down limply into his now unoccupied seat. Tears starts to roll down her flushed cheeks and Frank couldn't stifle the anger welling up inside if he even wanted to. He take the seat opposite of hers and takes her hand in his as he runs his thumb along her knuckle in an almost calming gesture.

"What did I even do?"Jamia whimpers pitifully.

"Nothing, babe, nothing at fucking all. He was just being a dick. I'll go after his stupid ass and teach him a lesson if you want, hell I'll probably do it anyways. Assholes like him need to be put in their places."

"It's okay, babe. Really. I don't want to cause any trouble. I just don't understand what I did to make him hate me." She sniffles, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand smearing her eye makeup in the process. 

"Who is that douchebag anyways?"

"Oh that's Gerard...Gerard Way. He's one of those guys Bert's always griping about so maybe you know him. He's also related to Mikey Way."

"Whenever I see that freak again I'll talk to him and see what his fucking problem is." Frank replies, pulling his hand back as his phone vibrates in his front pocket.

"Thanks babe. I don't know what I'd without you."She smiles weakly, crossing her arms.

He nods once as he checks his messages. _Bert:Get the fuck over here ASAP_

Frank groan lowly before glancing up at his still teary eyed girlfriend," I might need to get going. Bert's bitching at me to get over there _right now_. Says it's important or some shit like that."

He kisses her slightly sticky cheek before standing and makes his way out of the coffee shop. Frank honestly didn't mind leaving too much considering she was just going to completely ignore him in favour of that Lyn-z chick.

It doesn't take him long to get to Bert's and he just walks in, not bothering to knock on the practically molding door. He knew better than to do some stupid shit like that. Last time anyone actually attempted it was a few years back when Pete was trying to piss off Bert's junkie of a mother. Well the joke was on that motherfucker when she came at him wielding a machete like a bat out of hell. She would have got him too if Bert hadn't let him in at the very last second.

Frank ignore his mother's half hearted attempt at come on as he heads straight to Bert's "lair". He's careful to step over the fat, oddly hairy dude laying in the hallway looking very much like a beached whale.

"Took you long enough." Bert tosses an empty beer can against the wall with a grunt as it falls into a steadily growing pile.

"I was with my fucking girlfriend, man. Guess who we fucking saw?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know? Who the fuck was it?"Bert snaps, searching for a working lighter.

"Gerard fucking Way. You know that fag who we have always have to put in his place? He thought he could be a complete dick to my girl and get away with it."

"So basically we need to teach that emo fag some fucking respect."He grins nastily, yellowish teeth revealed.

It's then that Pete decides to walk in with all of his stupid eyeliner,"Who are we beating the piss out of now?"

"That emo fag, Way, he's done too much now and we're gonna have to teach that motherfucker not to cross us."

 _"Ooh_ sounds like fun."

"Shut the fuck up, Pete."

 

~~~~~

 

"I'm getting the fuck out of here now, man. This shit is tiring as fuck."

Bert just waves him off as if to say what the fuck ever so Frank just goes. He can only take so much. He drives for a little while not really wanting to go home or go over to Jamia's before he finally pulls up at Bob's with little else to do, though it really wasn't quite the truth.

"So what brings you to my space, man." Bob's voice is muffled as Frank makes his way towards the oddly neat living room.

"Just wanted see what your ass was up to. Didn't have shit else to do."Frank calls, leaning up against the wall beside a lacy bra the happened to be nailed to the wall. Only Bob fucking Bryar, man.

"Yeah I'm sure. Who is it that you want to know about now?"Bob chuckles, taking a sip of something Frank can smell all the way on the other side of the room.

"Gerard Way."Frank grumbles, not bothering to keep up the charade. 

"Don't know much about him honestly. He's about seventeen, brother of Mikey Way, gay as a sparkly rainbow, oh and he owns a weird amount of short shorts." Bob replies, blue eyes focusing on him when he starts to shift uncomfortably,"Why do you ask?"

"He was being a fucking prick to my girl earlier plus Bert hates that motherfucker's guts. That all you know?"

"Well there is one thing I've actually witnessed going on about Bert hating him. That greasy monkey you call a friend was pressuring Gerard to sleep with him but Gerard wasn't having any of that shit and he called him out on it. Bert was pretty fucking humiliated so that _could_ be it. Also from what I heard his prick isn't as small as you say. Much bigger though I'm not sure it matters with the way he swings."

"Dude, I don't want to hear about his fucking dick. I'm not a goddamn homo." Frank glares at him with all of his might but the blonde only grins at him like he's a small child having a tantrum.

"Hey I tell you what I know. Besides didn't you make out with a dude in middle school?"

"I don't know what you're fucking talking about, man. I told I'm not a _homo._ Never was one, never will be."

"The hell you don't. You know exactly what I'm talking about. He had that short brown hair and was kind of fucking chubby. Who was that dude anyways?" He falls back on the couch with a grunt.

"I'm telling you I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. _Fuck,_ I'm not homo! I didn't even fucking know a dude with brown hair back then." Frank snaps, crossing his arms.

"Yeah whatever. Keep telling yourself that, kid. Oh and just so you know Gerard's single if you're looking." Bob winks at him just like the asshole he is and Frank is seriously considering punching him though he knows that wouldn't turn out well for him.

"Whatever, man. I need to go." It's with that Frank gets the fuck out of there.

He gives up on going anywhere fucking else and just heads out for home. The attic be damned.

 


	5. Those aren't tears they're raindrops

**Gerard**

 

He tosses his stupidly long hair out of his eyes, a sob caught in his throat as warm tears came raining down. Why why _why._ Of all days his car could choose not to work on it chose _this_ one?

Of fucking _course_ he would run into Frank and _her_ today. Why fucking not? Frank is almost always around here if not around those assholes he calls friends. At least those motherfuckers weren't around. It's pretty much guaranteed they'd beat the fuck out of him for "disrespecting" his girl. 

Gerard squeaks as he narrowly misses hitting the car infront of him, tears nearly completely blurring his fucking vision. The driver of the car in front of him flips him off with the angry shout of something he'd much rather just fucking _ignore._

He heads straight for his room when he finally reaches home, refusing to look at anymore directly for fear they'd see his flushed face and red rimmed eyes. Gerard slams the door behind him almost angrily and falls heavily onto to his bed, having no energy to move any longer nor the want.

If Gerard thinks hard enough he thinks he could remember the last time they had actually had a conversation.....

_"Who the fuck are you?"He arches his eyebrow as he leans against his locker._

_"I'm Gerard...your best friend?"Gerard smiles hesitantly, desperately wanting to believe this was a joke. It had to be!_

_"I don't even fucking know you, dude. Bert McCracken is my best friend. Besides I'm pretty fucking sure I'd remember someone as fat as you if we had ever met." Tears prick up in Gerard's eyes at his cruel words. Why is he doing this?_

_"This isn't funny, Frank. Stop playing around. You know we met in Kindergarten. You said we'd be friends forever!"Gerard bites the inside of his cheek in futile attempt to keep his tears at bay._

_"Dude, I just fucking told you. I don't know you! Get the fuck away from me and stop obsessing over me you fucking freak."Frank snarls, shoving him roughly as everyone quite obviously avoids them._

_"F-Fine you ass. Thanks for abandoning me like everyone else."Gerard mumbles, tugging his hood up as he makes a run for the double doors._

_It wouldn't be smart of him to stay at school. Not while Frank's like that. No one cares...not anymore._

Gerard's door opens and he can vaguely hear footsteps before it closes as quietly as it opened. He doesn't even have to look up to know it's Mikey but he says nothing.

"Hey Gee, What's wrong?"Concern is laced heavily throughout his words.

"Its nothing...really." Gerard mumbles, his answer muffled by the powder blue pillow his face is currently buried in.

"You can't fool me, Gee, I know something's wrong. Did you run into Be- it was Frank wasn't it?" Gerard flinched involuntarily at the mere mention of his name.

"I thought so. It'll be okay, Gee, I promise. What happened?"Mikey sounds so fucking sincere it almost breaks his heart.

Gerard raises his head slightly, careful to let his hair fall into his face so as to block his clearly tear stained face,"I-I went for coffee and Frank was there with his girlfriend. Jamia came rushing over to me and starting insisting we hang out to compare fashion or some shit like that. That whole time Frank just glared so...so fucking _angrily_ at me especially when I refused. It always makes feel so fucking small and insignificant when he looks at me like that...like I'm fucking nothing. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but _fuck I can't help it_ I love him...I still love him and it hurts so fucking bad."

"Oh Gee, I'm so sorry. I know it does. It's not your fault, you know that."He speaks calmly, shifting slightly where he sits next to Gerard on the bed.

"God...look at me. I'm crying over a dude who fucking _hates_ me most of the time and spends the rest of the percentage acting like I don't exist." Gerard wipes fiercely at his damp, sticky face.

"I know, Gee, I know. Sometimes...we can't help who we love. Want me to bring you a drink and a sandwich?"He breaks his usual poker face for only a moment to send his brother a small smile.

Gerard nods hesitantly and Mikey pats his head once before making his way out. As soon he's sure his brother is gone, he takes advantage of his absence and gropes blindly underneath his bed before finding the object his desire behind a pair of hole filled jeans he's pretty sure aren't his. He slips the bottle inside the sheet behind his pillow cautiously before he sits back and waits for Mikey to appear.

A few minutes pass by and he finally pops up with a sandwich and steaming mug of what Gerard suspects is coffee. Mikey sits the clearly hot mug down on the nightstand and the plate next to it without so much as a single bit of change to his expression. Gerard picks up the sandwich and take a small bite tentatively before letting a barely audible noise of relief to find the soothing mixture of mayo and banana slices. In short his favorite. 

He shoots Mikey a weak smile,"This is great, Mikes. Thank you so much but uh..could I be alone for a bit? I really just need some time to reflect on things."

Mikey nods slowly and is out within seconds. He doesn't waste any time once he hears his door click shut, pulling out the bottle and pouring a large amount of its contents into his cooling coffee. The alcohol hits his nearly empty stomach immediately and it washes over him, a certain. _...bliss._

Gerard smiles lopsidedly, giggling as he looks upon his the swirling canvas that sits not far from his crowded desk. It's an abstract piece to most but he _knows_ of the colours particular significance. If he looks closely he can almost see....

_Frank smiles self consciously,"I wouldn't want it any other way. You're my best friend, Gee. I wouldn't want my first kiss to be with anyone other than you."_

_Gerard flushes red as he leans in, their surroundings long forgotten as Frank leans in too and their lips connect if only for a moment though it feels like eternity he never wants to end. He lets out a barely audible gasp against Frank's so, so soft lips as **oh** it's like he's free...he's infinite...He's...he's where he belongs._

_Frank finally pulls away for breath, smiling widely at the older boy. He flings his arms around Gerard's slightly chubby middle and buries his face against his shoulder._

_"You're amazing, Gee."_

_He peeks up, giggling quietly and in that moment Gerard would give the world if it meant he could stay like this forever._

Gerard shakes ever so slightly as his hand comes away wet when it comes into contact with his cheek. He hadn...He never could have known it would turn out this way. 

"Gee, are you _sure_ you're okay?"

He jerks at the sound of his brother's voice, startled back into reality. It sounds muffled...far away and in this incredibly dim light it's unlikely that he see that Gerard's really not a-okay but he's counting on that. He doesn't need _this_ right now...or ever for that matter.

"I'm fine, Mikey...Just fine. I was just thinking about taking a nap or something. Thanks for the sandwich, it was really great."Gerard mumbles, spitting out the long strands of unwashed hair that _always_ ended up in his mouth when he layed down.

"I...okay. It'll get better, I promise. See you in the morning, Gee." Mikey's quiet voice strikes him hard and he can barely keep from letting out a _really fucking loud_ sob. 

He lays there long after he hears the door shut for the last time in the hours that remained of the day. Gerard finally manages to sit up with a grunt, side still aching as he gropes around till he finds a not too broken up pencil and one of his many, _many_ sketchbooks. His most inner thoughts take form on the blank page he had chosen, feeling his energy drain with every line drawn.

He finally tosses it to the side and falls back heavily, wishing for sleep to take him. Only while unconscious can he escape this prison he's living in. Escape this _...hell._

In a way his mind can be his worst enemy.

 

~~~~

 

 _"Gee_ I- C'mon wake up! We're gonna be late for school."Gerard swats into the darkness with a tired groan, refusing to open his damn eyes.

"What _no...Mikey,_ its fucking Sunday. You're clock must be broken or some-" He lets out an embarrassingly feminine squeak as his head collides with something _hard._

"No its Monday, Gee." Mikey states, voice lacking any emotion besides irritation,"Have you actually been asleep this _whole_ time?"

Gerard only grunts in response as he forces his eyes open, just to be attacked with blindingly bright light. _Ugh,_ what is this hell? He rolls off his slightly sticky bed onto the floor, it's _progress._ His brother snorts like the asshole he is and walks out, leaving Gerard to get the fuck _up_ and ready for a hell that smells suspiciously like Axe bodyspray and B.O.

He sniffs his shirt once after he finishes combing through his stupidly tangled hair with paint smudged fingers. Eh, it'll fucking work. It's not like anyone's going to get close enough to know he probably smells like a mix of jizz, paint, and old people.

Once they get to school Mikey rushes off to find his little friends, leaving Gerard to pray to whatever fucking entity there is that he could get the fuck in and out of school without being noticed by Bert and his ever faithful minions. He tugs his hood up and keeps his head down as he dashes directly towards his locker which is oh so conveniently placed _on the other end of the hall._

He narrowly avoids a patch of what looks like a years worth of chewing gum as he grabs his copy of Catcher in the Rye for class. He slams the metal door shut and whirls around, only to be met by being shoved against the already dented lockers with an audible bang. Tattoed hands grip his throat tightly, spots of black showing in his shaky vision.

"What the _fuck_ is your problem?"Frank snarls into the taller boy's face, eyes dark with rage.

"Don..Don't know what you-"Gerard gasps desperately for breath as Frank's grip tightens cutting off virtually all of his connection with oxygen.

"You know exactly what I'm fucking talking about, you stuck up bastard. You were a fucking dick to my girl....fucking _fag,_ thinking you're so high and fucking mighty."The short haired boy hisses, slugging Gerard in his soft stomach with all the rage and hate he could muster.

Gerard whimpers, the pain in his stomach almost vomit inducing,"Jus-Just because I didn't want to hang out with her doesn't make me a dick."

"Stuck up fucking _bastard,_ thinking you the goddamn _right_ to say no to my girl. You fucking _deserve_ this, you waste of space."He hisses, gripping Gerard roughly by his greasy hair as he punched him twice in succession,"Thinking you fucking run shit. You're _no one_."

Frank lets Gerard drop to the ground, ripping out strands of hair along the way as he just starts to stomp and kick with all the force he can. Gerard can only curl up in a ball and wish for the best as a kick to his head makes him see double until he just shuts his eyes, barely aware of how he shakes so violently.

"You're fucking _lucky_ I'm just letting you off with a warning. Fuck with my girl again, you fucking low life, and you'll _really_ fucking know what pain feels like."Frank spits on Gerard in disgust before giving him one last kick and starts down the hallway.

Gerard's breath catches in his throat as tries to ignore the intense pain in his stomach and surely bruised ribs as he struggles for the chance to breathe. Around him, it's unnervingly quiet except for his hoarse sobs and to him it seemed that his tears hitting the floor made the loudest sound of all.

What fucking _happened_ that summer he was gone? He had come home thinking his best friend in the whole fucking world would be there to greet him and tell him excitedly about all of the crazy shit that had gone on while Gerard was gone. It's _never_ like you think it'll turn out though. Instead he came home to someone who hated his guts and hung out with that bastard McCracken who terrorized the fuck out of them.

What a fucking _life,_ man...What a fucking _life._

He pulls himself up slowly, crying out shrilly. His fucking _ribs,_ man. Hopefully they're not broken. Mikey would be so fucking pissed. The dark haired boy tugs his hood up, greasy hair shoved into his face but it only serves him further protection from prying eyes.

Gerard passes up his car, instead opting in the general direction of a park he knows is a street over from his school. Sure he'll get some fucked up looks from people 'cause apparently dudes can't hang out at a park without it being creepy but frankly he doesn't have it in to give a fuck.

It's mostly deserted as he'd thought though a few _incredibly_ exhausted mothers are scattered about along with what might be their children or small aliens. He slumps down on a plainly coloured bench, even the fucking park is looking dreary and devoid of colour along with the people who inhabit it.

Gerard honestly can't remember a time in the past when Frank and him had been apart. Hell, they'd practically been attached at the hip up until that _...that_ summer. Being friends with Frank had made it all seem worth it, like he'd actually be okay and all the bullying in the world wouldn't be able to get to them. They had seemed invincible. The day he came back from that hell his whole world had crumbled down right before his eyes.

And the worst fucking part of it all is that even through all the terrible shit Frank put him through, he'd jump at the chance to be Frank's friend again. _God,_ he fucking missed him. Missed his beautifully stupid grin everytime Gerard would draw something shitty for him and how he'd just about fucking crush Gerard in a hug. He misses having someone...who actually understands.

The soft pitter patter of the coming rain strikes him first but it's not until it first hits him that he can break away. Can focus on something other than the throbbing pain coarsing through his bruised body. How the _rain_ fall heavily down his cold face. He's struck by the fact of how he's all alone in colourless hell and the idea doesn't look so attractive anymore, rain washing it all away like bright neon chalk on the plain pavement. 

He drives home in silence, watching dully through a half blurred windshield. His stomach churns uneasily and he just wishes he could that fucking name out of his head. An emptiness fills him and he can't blame the rain when he feels wetness dripping down his face.

 


	6. Frank N. Further is the only Frank I know

**Gerard**

 

_Her life was magazines and faithful T.V. screens selling an empty dream._

_Of cars and calories and everything in between the sun and Saturn's ring._

_"My mind just feel so....clear. You know, man?" Frank's words are slow and drawn out as he stares up at the egg-white ceiling._

_"I know, dude, I know...Where'd you get this shit anyways?"Gerard murmures, letting his eyes slide shut._

_"Bob...You know blonde Bob? He grows the shit himself."He giggles quietly, running his fingers through Gerard's messy hair but oddly enough he doesn't catch any of the tangles._

_A weight is suddenly flung onto Gerard's lap and his eyes fly open to find Frank staring right back at him. He smiles brightly up at him and Gerard can't help but smile back. Frank's fucking smiles are infectious but he loves every second of it._

_"You're my best friend you know that, Gerard?"_

_"I know, Frankie. You've told me everyday since we met....and I wouldn't really have it any other way. I couldn't choose a better person to have as a best friend."Gerard laces his fingers with Frank's._

_"We'll always be friends, Gee."He sounds so suddenly serious it almost startles him as he gives Gerard's hand a gentle squeeze,"Forever and ever."_

It hurts honestly that Frank never kept his promise. Really it's so _unlike_ Frank. The Frank he knew would rather have a needle poked through his eye than break a promise, especially one he made to Gerard. Of course the boy he came back to wasn't his Frank, rather one that looked and sounded like him but hated his guts on sight. 

At least this week had practically sped by. Bert and his slaves had barely even beat the ever living fuck out him, Frank even stayed the fuck away with him and all his "blah blah bitch, my girl rules you drool" bullshit. With next week being Spring Break he's sure not to run into Frank and his anger problems, it's pretty much a _whole_ week away from him and his moron friends.

"Hey Gee, I'm planning on going over to Ray's in a few. Are you gonna be okay with being left at home alone?"Mikey asks as he pokes his head in the gap from the slightly ajar door, pulling Gerard effectively from his thoughts.

"Yeah, Mikey. I'm not four, I'll be just fine."He snorts, setting his beat up sketchbook down next to him.

"I know, Gee. I just worry sometimes."Mikey replies primly, much like their mother in more ways than one.

"You sound just like mom, Mikes."Gerard tucks some of his annoyingly long hair behind his ear as he sets back to sketching something obviously demonic. 

"So you've told me. I need to go now. I'll be back Monday, Gee." He sighs but walks over to Gerard and gives him a one armed hug before leaving the older boy to his own devices.

Not two seconds later a door slams somewhere upstairs and silence settles throughout the house from what Gerard can tell. He stands with a low groan as his bones creak unpleasantly and his stiff muscles practically scream kill me. For once, his room is cleared of his vast amount of dirty clothing and other objects he'd really rather not mention.

Gerard plops down paint splattered chair that sits infront of the disorganized mess he calls a desk. It's been so long since he had worked on his comic book. He started it just after Frank and he had their fall out, perhaps even as a way of coping. He had loved comic books ever since he was incredibly young, ever since the start of middle school Doom Patrol had actually been his particular favorite.

Gerard sets his pencil down as his hand starts to tense even more than it had before. He massages it a bit until it loosens up a bit as his stomach grumbles, somehow fucking startling him. He shifts in his seat and slowly rises to his feet, which are not asleep _this_ time. 

He makes his way up the stairs and through the poorly lit hallway to the living room. Around him, it's completely silent in the darkness as if it sucked all the noise away and left him only with vague shapes to make out. He could have _sworn_ Mikey left the television on. He always does.

Gerard stares blankly at the television for a moment, he wishes he had his copy of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Of course, luck is never on his side. Frank had it now and he always would. He's pretty sure of that. He had tried back in middle school to get it back after he came back but it's not really easy to make conversation with someone who wants to beat the ever living fuck out of you.

At least there's going to be a showing at the cinema if they don't cancel it. He and Mikey go almost every year it's shown. They dress up too, last year Mikey actually dressed up as Columbia and he had went as Frank N Furter as "clichè" that is. Gerard just fucking loves corsets.

He finally settles on Dawn of the Dead after looking through their vast amount of movies. He pauses it at the start and makes his way into the spotless kitchen restlessly, he _needs_ coffee. Of course, Mikey being the all knowing younger brother he's already a step ahead....and apparently left a note.

_Hey Gee, just thought you'd like some coffee. :) By the way I took the liberty of inviting someone over to hang out with you. PS no I haven't seen your copy of Day of the Dead._

Gerard rolls his eyes as he sticks it back on and starts to pour some of the still steaming coffee into his Star Wars mug. Afterwards he roots around in the freezer until he finds some vanilla bean ice cream in the back behind a few packages of _animal flesh_ _._ He wrinkles his nose in disgust as he snatches it out as swiftly as he can without touching the meat.

He shoves some dill pickles into it and grabs all of his things before rushing back into the living room. He plops down on the far left side of the practically _ancient_ couch. Seriously the thing had been around since before _Gerard_ was born.

He settles underneath an old, but incredibly soft blanket before unpausing the movie and quickly losing himself in a world full of zombies, gore, and ice cream covered pickles. It seems like a truly fine world this way.

Gerard hears a knock about halfway through the movie but he quickly writes it off it to be a figment of his imagination. Until it happens again and again and again. Finally with a low groan laced heavily with irritation, he stumbles to his feet and yanks the door open, _"What!"_

"Uh..Hey."Jamia mumbles awkwardly, looking to boot covered feet just like every poor sap in the movies.

"Uh-I...What the fuck?"Gerard blurts out and his face suddenly feels like it's on flames,"W-What are you doing here?"

"Your brother called and asked if I wanted to hang out with you for a bit...said you'd probably end up burning the house down if you were left alone."Her eyes widen and she shoves her hands into her pockets,"I can leave if you want?"

"No..I- Just come in."He sighs, running a paint smeared hand through his unwashed hair. Fucking Mikey, man. He should have known, at least it wasn't Frank...this time.

Gerard flinches when he hears the door slam shut but quickly straightens back up as he sits back down and unpauses his movie. They sit at opposite sides, as far away from each other as possible and though Gerard doesn't say anything he can feel practically feel the tension in the air,"Why do you hate me?"

He groans inwardly and crosses his arms, he's never going to watch his movie,"When exactly did I say I hate you?"

"Well I- I just...you act very stand offish towards me and seem to hate my very existence. You don't even want to hang out with me!"

"I never said I hated you. It's not like I try to act like that but I just...just _can't."_ Gerard mumbles, turning back to face the television where zombies roamed and didn't have a care in the world besides _brains._

"Can't what?"

"I just...can't be around you. It's hard to explain. You wouldn't believe me if I even tried anyways."

"Go on. Tell me, dude."Jamia insists, frowning at him irritably as if that'll make him spill his guts.

"I... _fine._ You're Frank Iero's girlfriend right?"

"Yeah so?"She tilts her head, confusion evident on her face.

"Well...I- It's just I met Frank when he was in Kindergarten and I was in 1st. We became practically inseparable since that day and _always_ had each others' back until I went away one summer. He was just gone...the boy I knew was gone when I came back, just fucking replaced with a mean spirited asshole that had it out for me from the moment he noticed me, or rather I made him notice me because I made the stupid assumption that we were still the best of friends."

"I- He never mentioned you."She says quietly and rubs lightly under eye unintentionally smearing her dark eye makeup.

"I don't doubt that. Hell he probably doesn't even remember me."

"I guess it must be pretty freaking hard to see him or things that are associated with him. Is that why you avoid me so much?"

"It's...something like that."Gerard replies before turning his attention back to the gore he had been watching previously.

"Sorry about that bruise on your cheek by the way. I know that was most likely because of me. Frank was kind of mad when you shot down my attempts at talking to you."

"Its fine..honestly. I'm pretty used to having people shove and kick me. It's happened almost everyday since last year of middle school. I don't think I'll ever understand what happened to him though. At least he hasn't been really partaking in the terrorizing of me this week."

"Yeah, I kind of asked him to take it easy on you. I made him promise and he _never_ breaks his promises."Jamia assures him-perhaps she thinks it's comforting- but it just makes him feel so worn out and tired like he just lay in bed to stay there forever.

Gerard can barely suppress a noise of distress as he inches away from her subtly,"Could we just watch this movie now? I haven't seen it in a while and I would really like to be able to know what's going on." It's complete bullshit he knows but he'd give anything right now to get out of this conversation. He doesn't want to talk about this...Not today, not ever.

"Oh yeah sure. Totally fine, I just...what is this?" 

"Dawn of the Dead. It's basically about zombies."Gerard replies quietly and keeps his eyes glued to the television. He doesn't want to encourage conversation at _all._

He watches it for a few moments but can't get into the movie as he had before and as much as he tries he can't just let go of everything on his crowded mind. Finally with a huff, he pauses the movie and turns to the dark haired girl sitting on the very edge of the couch,"Do you want some coffee?"

She nods hesitantly as if she's not quite sure she'd want anything from him,"What do you want in it?" He mumbles, letting his hair fall into his face.

"A half ton of sugar and tons of creamer."She replies immediately but cracks up in laughter barely a second after," _Kidding_...I drink mine black."

Gerard rushes into the kitchen and searches through the cabinets for a suitable mug that isn't cracked or painted on which really doesn't leave many to choose from. Finally he unearths a dark red mug in the very back of a rather crowded cabinet behind Mikey's unicorn mug.

He makes sure it's clean before he pours some coffee in it, taking care to see if it's warm 'cause isn't he just a fucking saint? He hands it back to her as he makes his way back into the occupied room then takes a seat on the other side of the couch. Gerard dips a pickle into the ice cream and takes a bite out it, humming happily. Best food _ever._

Silence has pretty much settled between them and it really wasn't that uncomfortable...until he felt eyes on him as if they were staring into his soul,"Wha-"

"Is that ice cream...with _pickles?_ "Jamia gasps almost dramatically and Gerard can't help but to roll his eyes.

"Yeah?"He says after a moment, coughing a bit as a sip of his lukewarm coffee seems to go down the wrong pipe.

"Is it actually...good?"

"Yeah, it's fucking great. Want to try one?"Gerard holds one out to her and she hesitantly takes it.

She takes a small bite and immediately her eyes widen,"Holy fuck, you're right."

"You're damn right I am."Gerard chuckles quietly, taking another bite out of his as she chomps down on her's noisily.

"This is surprisingly undisgusting. I mean I used to see Frank eat this all the time but I never thought it would actually be good."

"Really, he still eats it? If I remember correctly he is lactose intolerant right?"

"Oh yeah he still is. I've told him he should stay away from dairy products but he always insists. I don't know. He always said something about how there was no taste like it and it couldn't be replaced."Jamia smiles widely and he can't help but smile too. Oh lord, he's actually having a conversation with someone other than his brother.

"Oh yeah he was a pushy motherfucker even back when I knew him. He'd always eat it with me no matter what but he wouldn't _touch_ a mayo and banana slices sandwich." Gerard watches with slight interest as her nose wrinkles in disgust. She's one of _those_ people, huh.

"Mayo and banana slices?" She coughs after taking a sip of her coffee, her tone one of disbelief.

"Yeah. It's fucking yummy." Gerard remarks with a smirk, the reactions everyone always gave to his favourite sandwich was almost comical.

"I guess it just depends on the person."She smile weakly but he can tell she's struggling not to throw up.

"I guess so."

"So, uh, what are your hobbies?"

"Well I don't really do much to be honest. I just spend most of my time sleeping and drawing with some work thrown in there so my mother isn't pissed. Usually spend half my time with music blasting."Gerard replies and finally pauses his movie after a moment.

"Oh well...cool! What's your favorite musician?"Jamia asks, coming to the end of her pickle. _Finally._

"I listen to way too many decent bands to choose but Iron Maiden is pretty cool."He replies and she promptly fucking _squeals,_ he can barely keep from wincing as the high pitched noise hits his ears.

"You like Iron Maiden? I fucking love that band, man!"She exclaims loudly and he tries scoots away again but just hits the arm of the couch.

"Oh really?"

"Hell yeah!"

 

~~~~~~

 

"You too, dude? Wow you're even fucking cooler than I even thought. Frank was the one to get me so interested in comic books by the way."

"And I got him into them. Did I ever mention I'm working on my own comic?"He glances around the room and tried desperately to stay awake. Fuck what _time_ is it?

 _"Really,_ can I see it?"She gasps, practically falling out of her seat.

"Oh uh...sure. Want me to bring it up here or do you wanna just come down to my room?"He asks, pushing his bangs back that just fall back into his face.

"Let's just go to your room."

Gerard nods and gestures for her to follow. Through his dark hallway they go and down his potentially dangerous stairs. Seriously those stairs will break your fucking neck if you're not careful.

Once they're down there, he roots around in the junk in his desk before he finally manages to find it. He hands it over to her and has _never_ been more thankful to have washed clothes for once. His clothes can kind of turn anything they touch disgustingly smelly when they get dirty enough.

"This _is...amazing._ Holy shit, man. I'm fucking jealous. How did you become so great at art?"Jamia finally breaks the silence filling the room and effectively pulling him from his thoughts.

"My grandmother taught me everything I know _..well_ she didn't teach me how to be gay but you get the idea."

"Yeah, man. Fucking awesome. Hey do you mind if I crash here for the night? I'm really fucking out of it right now."She yawns and out of the corner of his eye he can see bright red numbers staring out at him. Two fucking AM.

"Uh...yeah. Guest room, c'mon."He mumbles and beckons for her to follow. Gerard leads her up his stairs and up the others next where his family's bedroom are until he reaches the guest room that was at the end of the paisley wallpapered hall. It was, of course, already made up in case of guests...not that they got many.

Jamia waves goodbye as he makes his way back towards his room, his heavy eyes threatening to droop shut as he locks his door behind him. Well this had certainly been a very eventful day. Who would have thought he'd make friends with the love of his life's girlfriend?

 


	7. Memories don't vanish....Do they?

**Frank**

 

He walks lightly on the way to the kitchen, hoping to avoid his grandmother. He had done a decent job of not running into her for most of the week but soon enough he was sure to get caught. She had been at him for the longest time to clean the attic and that was just something he could _not_ do. The dust would surely kill him.

"Frank, is that you?" Frank flinches at the sound of her hoarse voice, his heart nearly jumping out of his chest.

He groans inwardly and runs a hand over his face. So much for that,"Yeah it's me.

"Are you going to _finally_ clean the attic today, hun?

"I- _Fine,_ yes okay?" Frank grumbles and continues on to the kitchen, he needs coffee before this shit.

"Thank you, Frank!"She chirps almost sweetly and to most it would seem like she was truly thankful but he _knew_ how she got when things aren't done the first time asked.

Frank walks back to his dark room carefully so as to not spill any of incredibly sugary coffee. He sits it down next to his cracked mirror before he plops down on the carpeted floor and starts to look through his neatly stacked piles of comic books. Finally he settles on Batman aka the best superhero ever. No one will ever be able to tell him different.

He drinks his coffee slowly as he glances through the comic with a bit of interest, he's read just about all of his comic books hundreds of times but he always seems to come back to this one. Frank doesn't why, really it's just like any other comic book but _this_ one just seems to hold some unknown meaning. Yeah, he knows he sounds like a crazy person.

Frank finally sets it back in the pile with a drawn out sigh when he has drained the last of his coffee from the mug. He sniffs a pair of pants from the floor before pulling them on along with some shoes, you can never fucking know what's up there. Fucking spiders, man. Frank shivers at the thought at he tosses his mug into the kitchen sink before grabbing a trash bag along the way out.

Frank walks slowly up the spiral stairs that lead to the attic. They creak under his weight and as he finally steps into the attic, he's quite sure he's made a terrible mistake. A lingering scent of mildew and decay hits him first, a horribly musty smell of many summers past fills the air along with the dust that nearly makes him wheeze.

An old couch is sat in corner, maybe once in it's lifespan it had been white but it was now a sickly shade of yellow with only a spot to hint at it's true colour. Clothing lay scattered everywhere he could see, it all either moth eaten or mildewed perhaps even a mixture of the two. He was in for a long, _long_ day.

 

~~~~~

 

 _Fuck_ how much shit could even be up here? Frank's back cracks when he straightens up, cracking his knuckles as he glances irritably around the _still_ messy attic. Six trash bags and a duffle bag later it doesn't even look as if he had started yet. _Why._

Frank shoves bunches of clothing into the bag at random, not stopping to check them at this point. He didn't care when he started but _this_ was beyond his limit. He kicks some of the dirty clothes in his frustration and promptly hits something hard. A practically falling apart photo album lays at his feet, _Frankie's baby pictures_ wrote across in oversized block letters in what was surely his mother's handwriting. He picks it up off the floor with a sigh of irritation, great way to keep his shit safe huh? Just throw it on the fucking floor.

He flips through it with little interest, pictures from his toddler days up until his first day of school. He had been so excited on the first day of Kindergarten, thinking he would make _tons_ of friends. _Obviously_ that's not how it turned out, hell he barely even had one friend. On the next page over from his school photo he is met with the sight of young him absolutely _covered_ in chocolate cake and holding hands with an equally messy brown haired boy. They're not smiling at the camera but at each other and Frank feels as if he's looking in on something that isn't his to remember. The caption in bold red underneath doesn't ring so true. _Frankie and his BEST friend._

Frank wrinkles his nose in disgust as his hand comes away smeared with a mixture of dirt, sweat, and _something_ he couldn't even begin to identify. Seriously this attic is too fucking dirty for the world. He drop his half full trashbag next to all the others, photo album in hand as he heads down the stairs once again. Fuck that shit, he's so fucking _done._

He doesn't bother to announce himself as he plops down on the couch next to his grandmother who was currently reading Interview with a Vampire. Yeah go figure, his grandmother is deathly afraid spiders and like dust but she absolutely adores vampires. Vampires are pretty fucking awesome though-except those Twilight idiots those things would never be fucking cool even if they _were_  vampires.

"Can I _help_ you, Frank?"His grandma finally sets her book down after a few moments when it became clear he wouldn't leave her be until she acknowledged him,"You know it drives me absolutely _mad_ when people just sit and stare at me.

"You _can_ actually. Do you know who this boy is?"Frank points to the picture in question and hands it over to her when she makes a gesture for it.

She examines it closely before a smile spreads on pallid, wrinkled face. She taps on his face once before she looks up,"That's your old friend, Gerard, such a _sweet_ boy. You two used to be practically attached at the hip!"

"What can you tell me about him?"He questions, chewing absentmindedly on his painted thumb nail.

 _"Well,_ he lived near here last time I checked. He also had a younger brother that used to try and tag along with you two-boy had a hell of a poker face even at that age- they both should actually be going to your school now! Gerard was always one of the most kind hearted boys you'd meet, I can tell you with confidence that boy never had a mean bone in his body." She chuckles softly, seemingly oblivious to his impatience,"Had excellent manners too but he was quite the strange one. Was always a bit reserved when it came to people 'cept for you and his mother, Donna...Donna Way I think it was. I can still distinctly remember that teased to hell and back hair of hers, it was bleached practically _white!"_

"So if his mother was Donna Way then that would make _him-"_

"Gerard Way."She finishes his sentence for him and he can barely keep from squirming at the strange feeling inside his stomach he couldn't really identify.

It all just didn't sit well with Frank. It _couldn't_ be that asshole from school...could it? It just _couldn't_ be. That fag, Gerard, from school would never in his fucking lifetime have good manners.

It just fucking _couldn't_  be.

"Is that all you needed?"She breaks him from his thoughts, impatiently tapping her foot against the grey shag carpet, "Cause you know I'd _love_ to go back to my reading and I'm sure you still have plenty to do up in the attic anyways."

Frank resists the urge to roll his eyes as he nods before standing, photo album tucked carefully underneath his arm as he exits the living room. He stops right before the entrance to the attic, taking a deep breath before he finally enters. Goodbye fresh air...He may never recover.

After a moment of looking around he can already practically _feel_ the stiffness that will surely give him hell tomorrow. He tucks the picture of him and the other boy away for safekeeping before he tosses the photo album to the side. Frank doesn't have any use for the rest of it, he really doesn't even know why he keeps the one picture in particular but he just _feels_ like it once meant something...perhaps one day he'll know what that was.

By the time he's finished, he's covered in another layer of that _lovely_ sweat/dirt mixture and has torn his pants in at least three different places. After he drops the last of the bags where they're taken up, he rushes back to his room and grabs some _probably_ clean clothes before he heads to the bathroom right across from his room. How fucking convenient, right?

Frank doesn't bother to let the water heat up before he steps in, only taking a moment to strip out of his sweat soaked clothing. He scrubs and scrubs at his skin until he can no longer feel the dirt and even washes his fucking hair. The water had turned almost unbearably hot by that time but he just stood under it, letting it run over him until he couldn't stand it any longer.

He turns the water off with a pained sigh and steps out of the tub, making quick work of drying off and getting dressed in what was apparently a pair of jeans with big ass holes at the knees and an Iron Maiden shirt that he's for like for-fucking-ever. He tosses his dirty clothing into his half full hamper before plopping down on his bed he had neglected to make when he woke.

Frank layed there for a few moments before he grabs his phone from somefuckingwhere, deciding to text Jamia and see if she was up to seeing a movie or some shit like that. He didn't really give a fuck. She was pretty much his go to person when trying to find someone to hang out with.

_**Frank:** Hey got any plans for later?_

Thirty minutes or like a century passes-he can't really tell which honestly- and just as he gives up on getting a message back his phone beeps suddenly and he just about falls off his fucking bed.

 ** _Jamia:_** _actually I wuz planning on going to the movies with my newest friend, i was actually fixing to text you and see if you wanna come to. So do you wanna?_

_**Frank:** yeah sounds great, what time?_

_**Jamia:** well we're planning to get there in about an hour so see you then?? Xoxo_

_**Frank:** yeah see you then _

He wonders idly who her newest friend is. He was completely sure there were no girls at their school that she hadn't met yet and nearly everyone of them took to her immediately. Everyone would _kill_ to be friends with Jamia but she was just friendly with everyone. It must be some chick that goes to a different school.

Frank puts his phone on charge before he starts to look through the collection of movies he's aquired over the years. They're all mostly just horror but there are also some fantasy movies like Star Wars...and some movie called Rocky Horror Picture Show that he kind of avoids. He sighs as he lays back on his bed once again once he's found finding a good movie to be hopeless at the moment.

Time seems to go even fucking _slower_ if that's possible as he keeps checking the time every two minutes. Finally he just jumps up, pulling on the first jacket he finds before grabbing his phone and shoving it in his pocket. Fuck this shit, if he's early he's early and that's the end of it.

"Where you going, Frank?" His grandma asks from behind him as he makes it to the living room and he groans inwardly. He was going to be eighty before he makes it to the theater.

"Out with some friends."He mumbles, looking anywhere but directly at her as he taps his fingers against the door frame impatiently.

"Okay, hun, just make sure not to be out too late. You don't want to be caught out like _last_ time."She chuckles, painting the last of her nails baby blue.

 

~~~~

 

Frank scans the obnoxiously gold coloured room closely, searching for any sign of Jamia. It seems like just about the whole fucking town came to the theater today and he's not so sure he'll even be able to find her at this point. 

" _Frankie_!!"

A squeal comes from behind him and he doesn't have to turn around to know exactly who it is. Two arms wrap around his waist and he turns with an inward sigh to face her. Jamia was grinning widely at him in an almost irritating way as she poked him in his side with her pointer finger.

"You're _finally_ here. We've been waiting like forever for you. C'mon the movie is about to start!" She giggles and he can't help but notice how _...odd_ she was acting. What the fuck was up with her today?

She doesn't give him the chance to answer as she pulls him to the ticket counter which surprisingly enough didn't have very much of a line. Frank was able to get to the front within a few minutes and buy his ticket as Jamia unhelpfully rushed him like it was _him_ that was wasting time.

"Come on, I don't want to miss the start!"She insists, pulling him along through the metal doors,"Besides he's already in there and I don't want him to think we ditched him."

 _He??_ What fucking guy would hang out with someone else's girlfriend? What the _fuck?_ The dude must have a fucking deathwish or something.

She pulls him along with her until they reach the second to highest seats with strength not found in most women. Finally, she releases him and plops down in the seat next to who assumes is her new "friend". 

"Hey Gerard!"Jamia greets the dark haired boy with a smile and Frank can't help but roll his eyes as he takes the seat next to her.

"Hey Jamia, I thought you'd never get here I-." He talks quietly just barely audible before he cuts himself off, eyes going wide as he finally seems to notice Frank.

"Yeah, _I'm_  here too." The dark haired boy visibly flinches as Frank speaks, his voice a bit rougher than usual.

The boy quickly turns back to face the screen but Frank continues to stare at him and he can tell the other boy is getting more and more uncomfortable by the way shifts in his seat. Who gives a fuck anyways, if he didn't want to be uncomfortable then maybe he shouldn't have gone out with _another guy's girlfriend._

On the screen two cars crash into each other and it's interesting enough but as much as he tries, he just can't seem to keep his eyes on the damn screen. Frank glances over to the boy every few minutes, his face mostly hidden by that dark, greasy looking shit he calls hair. He can't help but fucking look...his face is so _weird._ At times he frowns and kind of looks like a _cat,_ others a wide smile shows all his oddly tiny teeth and but it's his fucking laugh that's the weirdest. He sounds like a fucking goose or something.

Frank finally manages to tear his eyes away after what seems to be a century of staring and tries to focus on the movie. He has no fucking idea what's going on in it whatsoever. On the screen some blood splattered man was digging up graves, dirt flying everywhere in the pouring rain....then the credits rolled. 

He groans as he stands slowly, his bones cracking. Only _he_ would miss the whole fucking movie to stare at someone. He starts to head out with the crowd but a hand suddenly latches onto his arm. Frank whirls around, jerking his arm away as he comes face to face with Jamia. He looks her over and crosses his arms with an inward sigh. She wants something, _of course_.

"We were thinking about going for coffee. Wanna come with us?" She looks up at him with those damn puppy dog eyes and he just fucking _knows_ he can't say no.

"Fine but I can't stay for too long. Got shit to do at home."He grumbles and runs a hand through his hair before starting back towards the metal doors.

"Fuck yeah!!" Jamia nearly shouts, clapping her hands while Gerard managed to keep a distance away from them.

She grabs his hand and starts to pull him out to the parking lot, Gerard following closely behind them but it seemed like he wasn't even there if Frank focused hard enough.

"Hey so how about I ride with Gerard and you can like meet us there?"Jamia says, her back turned to them as Frank glares hatefully at the dark haired boy who flinches once again. His expression only becoming more and more apprehensive.

"H- How about we, uh, go in my car. I know this really great coffee shop that has some amazing coffee. I can drop you two off at his car afterwards."Gerard speaks up for the first time this evening, his soft voice giving away his obvious timidness.

"Fine."He snaps, crossing his arms as Jamia stares at Gerard like he's a fucking god or something. 

"You always have the best ideas, Gerard."She smiles sweetly at him and Frank can _feel_ the fucking anger welling up inside him.

Jamia once again latches onto him as Gerard leads them to his vehicle. It's a _tiny,_ black thing...hardly passes for a car. Gerard unlocks the doors and gets in to crank it up as he waits for them find a seat.

"How about you ride in the front, Frank?"Jamia offers, smiling obliviously at him.

Frank rolls his eyes but plops down in the passenger seat while Jamia gets in the back quickly after. They all settle into an uncomfortable silence soon after they leave. Beside him, Gerard grips the steering wheel tightly, knuckles white as he purposely keeps his eyes on the road. 

"So Frank, you know Gerard likes the same comic books you do??"Jamia finally breaks the silence, looking from him to Gerard who looks as if he'd much rather sink into the seat. How is she even friends with this fucking guy? 

"So fucking what? Many people do, that's not a big fucking deal."Frank grumbles irritably as he stares out the window as the last bit of natural light disappeared from the sky.

Jamia says nothing after that, choosing to look down at the car floor but that's all fine by him. Seriously he doesn't fucking need her to try and push her friends on him like he _has_ to be friends with them too. She always does shit like that.

Gerard glances at him every so often with something he couldn't really describe in his eyes but his irritation was evident enough even Frank could recognize it. What the _fuck._

Finally they reach the goddamn coffee shop and Frank practically jumps out of the car just to get a little space even if for only a moment. It smells faintly of cinnamon and something too sweet when they go inside but it's not entirely unpleasant so he keeps walking towards the counter. Behind it is an obnoxious asshole with long faded green hair, smacking his gum loudly as he looks them over with little to no interest.

"What can I get you?"He asks, tapping his fingers against the eggshell white counter," A high chair perhaps?"

Frank rolls his eyes and orders his usual before stepping back a bit. Gerard gets a vanilla soy latte and Jamia _of course_ gets the same. The weirdo behind the counter smirks like the stupid asshole he is at Gerard before he fixes their drinks. 

"Here you go, lady and midget."He says before turning back and handing Gerard his, winking cheekily,"If you look closely, you'll see a string of numbers on your cup. No it's not the answer to life's biggest questions but something _better_ aka my phone number. You're cute you know? Call me."Gerard stares from the number on his coffee cup to that asshole, his cheeks turning a rosy pink colour.

"I-I'll do that."He squeaks, looking more than a bit flustered before he retreats to a table as far away from the counter as he can get.

Frank follows Jamia to the table, groaning inwardly as the only seat left at the table is right next to Gerard. He tries his best to keep his knees from knocking into the taller boy's as he takes a first sip of his coffee.

"You just got hit on."Jamia squeals suddenly and Frank can't help but roll his eyes, ignoring how it felt as if someone had suddenly dropped a bowling ball in his stomach.

"By someone who learned his moves from Gabe fucking Saporta. You're lucky he didn't try to start groping you right here. Neither of 'em have any class."He snorts, not paying any attention to the way Jamia looks at him.

"I didn't even know he worked here!"

Gerard is looking down at the beige table, dark hair falling around his face blocking most of it from view but he knew that was his intention. From what he could tell though, Gerard was blushing once again.

"So are you going to call him later?"She asks in hushed tones as if that asshole could actually hear them all the way over here.

"Oh uh well probably not? I mean I'm not really the kind of person that has one night stands. Besides...he's not really my type."Gerard glances at him ever so slightly but he's still struck with the intense longing in his eyes that's almost. _..sad._

"Oh well...That sucks. He seemed really into you."Jamia sighs as if Gerard had been a horrible mistake but her expression quickly turns to one of shock as the hazel eyed boy gulped down what had to have been most of his coffee."Damn dude, that _has_ to be hot!"

"I'm used to it. I've just grown used to the heat I guess."Gerard mumbles, a small smile playing on his thin lips,"You know what my first time drinking coffee was?"

"What?"She inquires curiously, clearly enjoying his sudden want for conversation.

"So when I was about six my dad would wake up everyday at the ungodly hour of four am to have a cup of coffee before he had to get ready for work. Well I would wake up along with him most mornings and I'd ask him for a cup but he'd always tell me I could when I was older. Of course younger me wasn't having any of that nonsense so when he'd go to get ready I'd take a "sneaky" sip and I quickly grew to like it."Gerard breaks off in laughter, sounding very much like a goose but oddly enough it seemed to fit him... _weird._ "Anyways one morning I was taking that usual sip and god it was _awful._ It was so weak and abnormally bitter that I thought I might just die! I went to spit it out but he came back in right at that moment so I was forced to keep it in my mouth. To make matters worse he tried to start a  conversation with me. He had known the _whole_ time!"He wipes some stray tears away from his eyes, his laughter already gone but that wide smile still present.

Jamia giggles quietly, face turning an odd shade of pink but he still remains quiet. She must have seen the completely disinterested look on his face as she chirps anxiously,"Didn't one of your old friends give you coffee for the first time?"

"Does it even matter?"Frank mumbles, not really feeling up for talking as he takes a long sip from his cooling coffee.

The rest of their time in that coffee shop is relatively quiet, only the unceasing chatter around them filling the silence.Gerard keeps his distance from them as he did before as they head back to the car. Frank chooses to sit in the back this time, it's just best if he didn't have to go anywhere near the other boy.

The ride back doesn't seem to take even a fraction as long as it did the first time, not that he minded but death by car accident wasn't really how he wanted to go out. Jamia, of course, was sitting as far away from him as she possibly could and he can barely stifle a sigh of relief as the cinema comes into view.

Gerard gets out along with them and Frank can barely keep his disgust suppressed as he hugs Jamia quickly, a whispered goodbye to her as Frank starts towards his car. He doesn't bother to look back, knowing well that it'd only feed into his anger.

"H-Hey Frank?"

He stops suddenly with a frustrated groan, _"what?"_

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

Frank runs a tattoed hand over his face before turning to face Gerard,"Whatever, man, just make it quick. Jamia, can you give us a minute?"

Her eyes widen for a moment before she nods, backing away,"Oh um sure. I'll just be- the uh car."

They watch her leave before turning back to each other, Gerard never really ever meeting his eyes but where was the surprise in that?"So what is it?"

The taller boy's cheeks flush bright pink as he pushes his bangs securely behind his ear,"Oh um well...Just be nice to Jamia? I know you have that _go fuck yourself_ kind of attitude down to a T but please don't let it apply to her. She really seems to adore you and she just wants you two to have a connection again."

"Are you finished with your little speech? 'Cause I'd _really_ like to get going soon and this is pretty fucking pointless."

"Oh um- yeah? You're going to be nice to her right?" 

"Whatever, dude, just what the fuck ever."

 


	8. Paintings from forever

**Gerard**

 

Gerard fumbles with his keys, a light flush rising on his cheeks as his mind wandered back to the previous events of his afternoon for not the first time. Oh _god_ he had made a complete fool of himself. More than usual anyways. He'd never been able to keep his mouth shut and seeing Frank act like a total douche only made it _worse._

"So are you going to come in or just stand in the doorway? You're letting in light."

Mikey stands before him, as expressionless as ever as he gestures for Gerard to _move._ He stands there for a moment longer before moving entirely inside, feeling as if he were autopilot as he sits down on one end of their practically ancient couch. Mikey slams the front door before plopping down beside him, patting his fucking head like he was a dog.

"So you've been with Jamia?"He asks, voice seemingly monotone to anyone who didn't _know._

"Oh um yeah? We went to see some shitty movie and had coffee after. "Gerard mumbles, eyes threatening to shut.

"So you some fun huh?"

"Well...Somewhat I guess? She didn't tell me _you know who_ was coming too so that kind of took by surprise and I was too nervous to be 'social'. He was also really rude to her."

"Frank was rude to her?"Mikey rolls his eyes,"No shit. I mean it's _Frank._ That dude is a total asshole and like he doesn't even bother trying to hide it."

"He was just really short with her and it kind of irritated me. There was one high point of this somewhat shitty afternoon though. I got hit on."Gerard offers a small smile at that,"Jamia was freaking the fuck _out_ and Frank just had this really strange expression."

"Really, so are you gonna call this one?"He asks, already back to staring at his damn phone.

"I don't know honestly. I mean he seemed okay I guess but he _was_ kind of creepy."Gerard yawns quietly, running a hand through his dirty as hell hair,"Besides he really wasn't you know...my _type?"_

"And what is your type exactly. Short, dark, with a shitty attitude? Oh yeah sounds like you have great taste. You should call this dude, Gee!"

"I guess I might. When do you think I should?"He frets, chewing absentmindedly on one of his already ragged nails,"I don't want to seem desperate."

"You _are_ desperate, Gee. You have literally no social life."Mikey snorts but Gerard doesn't take any offense from it. He knows his brother would never intentionally say something hurtful....to him. Other people, however, are another story.

"Is that really so bad? I think I'll just call in a few days and see if he remembers me."

Mikey, of course, doesn't seem to have anything else to say about the matter and that was more than enough of a clue that this conversation was over. He lounges on the couch for a bit longer before he rises on shaky legs, intent on getting to his room where he had a _bed_ that was way more comfortable than that old couch could ever be. He falls onto his bed heavily with a tired groan, not even bothering to get under the bundle of blankets that had somehow made their way down here. He'd deal with that shit later.

 

~~~~

 

"Wake up."

Gerard grumbles, smushing face back into his mysteriously damp pillow. It's too fucking early for this shit.

"Wake _up,_ you know your face is in like a pool of drool right now? It's really fucking gross."Gerard groans but doesn't open his eyes to the surely harsh light as he stretches out like a cat."Besides Jamia's on the phone and she wants to speak with you."

He squints up at Mikey,"Why is..callin' on your phone?"

Mikey shrugs before handing over his phone and heading back up stairs. He must be getting sick or something...never once had he ever left his phone alone with someone left alone even let them talk on it without being right up close to them.

" 'Llo?"Gerard yawns, running a hand over his face.

"Oh uh hey. I just wanted to appologise for the way Frank acted. He can be a real dick sometimes.

"O-okay? It doesn't matter honestly. I'm used to it."He mumbles, struggling to keep his eyes open at _least_ long enough to return Mikey's phone so he doesn't freak out.

"Okay then. Oh uh I gotta go...bye." In the background he can hear a voice that's distinctly male but she ends the call before he can say another word.

Gerard blinks a bit, letting his eyes adjust better to the rather dim light as he rolls over and promptly falls out of bed. He hisses lowly, propping himself up on his elbows as he hits a surely bruised spot on his cheek once again.

 _"Fuck._ "He hisses, rubbing over the sore spot lightly.

He sits there for a few minutes, seriously comtemplating just trying to go back to sleep on the floor before he just uses what little energy he has left to pull himself back onto his bed. Gerard lays back, eyes already closed as he drifts off....off into his own little world.

_Dear Gerard,_

_I know you probably won't get this but I miss you lots. It's really freaking lonely around here without you. I can't wait till you get back. I'm not too sure what else to write but I just wanted you to know I don't know what I'd do without you._

_Yours always,_

_Frank_

It's an ache that settles inside him....a constant yearning for something that he'll never have again but he knows it's no use to fight it when memories of the past come to him almost at random. He just wishes he could find that letter. It was all that was left from that summer that didn't rip him apart inside everytime he tried to think of better times.

Gerard finds the weirdo from the coffee shop on his mind every so often and he honestly doesn't know what to make of it. Maybe he should call him? After all he _was_ cute....and a little creepy not that Gerard could really even judge anyways. Who says he can't have a social life and _finally_ stop pining over the guy he's never had a chance with? 

He manages to find his phone underneath a pile of suspiciously clean clothes after a long search through his whole room. He types in the number slowly as if he'll mess it up any  other way, his heart nearly beating out his chest and his palms sweaty as he finally pushes the call button. _Fuck_ what if he doesn't remember Gerard?

"Hello?" He _finally_ picks up after the first few rings, sounding almost breathless.

"Oh um...Hey! I don't know if you remember me but we met at the coffee shop yester-"Gerard starts but he's cut off almost immediately.

"The sweetheart with long black hair who was with the midget. How could I forget?"

"Oh uh- yeah I guess that's me."He manages to choke out after a moment.

"So you decided to call me? Rad. Hey you don't have any plans tomorrow night do you? Cause theres a party I'm going to and we can be show offs together. You get a hot date, I get a hot date it's a win-win situation. "He sounds sure of himself as he speaks and Gerard can't help but feel calm.

"I guess I don't. What's your name by the way?"

"It's Tristan and you're Gerard right? You don't have to answer that by the way. I already know it is."

"How'd you know that?" Gerard mumbles and Tristan chuckles.

"It's a gorgeous name for a gorgous boy." He flushes pink at the compliment and yeah he can see where Frank was coming from about Tristan learning from _Gabe,"_   _Also_ I heard that girl say your name like a hundred times. So _anyways_ are you coming with?"

"Y...yeah."Gerard smiles weakly despite there being no one around him as Tristan calmly replies, Well I'll call you later, cutie."

The call ends abruptly then and Gerard lays back, face still flushed as he looks up to the ceiling. What the fuck just happened?

 

~~~~~~

 

Gerard stumbles up from his bed before hitting his hip on something _sharp._ He hisses lowly but starts to search for his favorite black jacket despite the pain," _Fuck."_

He finally finds it under his bed of all places, tugging it on as he rushed towards the door. He runs a hand through his messy hair as he locks the door behind him before he makes his way over to where Tristan's waiting. Gerard hops in the passenger seat, managing not to look like a total dumbass _yet._

"I knew I knew you were hot but _damn_ you just blew my fucking mind."He smirks as he pulls away from Gerard's house.

"Thanks." Gerard grins, turning to look out the window.

Tristan smirks at him for a moment longer before focusing back on the road. He's honestly not too excited to be going around a bunch of people he barely knows but he'll try to have a good time. At least Mikey will be there.

The yard is filled with cars already by the time they get there and even at the entrance to the house it's full of people in varying stages of drunkness. He wraps an arm around Gerard's waist as they make their way through the crowd, but stops once or twice to high-five a few people. 

His confusion must be quite clear as Tristan just shrugs before responding with,"People like seeing hot people together and _damn_ are we hot or what?"

Gerard rolls his eyes as they find their way to the kitchen, he grabs the first unopen beer he sees from fridge. He only takes a moment to open it before gulps down most of it in one go. It pretty much tastes like pisswater aka most beers but if it'll get him drunk then he doesn't give a fuck.

"Wow you do this often?"He laughs but Gerard just smirks, playing with the end of Tristan's hair.

"You have really awesome hair you know?"Gerard giggles, noticing suddenly how close they really were.

Tristan leans down and before he knows it, their lips are pressed together. Gerard can really smell the alcohol on breath when his tongue finds it's way into Gerard's mouth. He pulls away after a moment, breathing a bit heavier than usual.

"You know you taste really minty even after the beer?"His breath is almost unbearably warm on Gerard's neck and he can't help it as his skin prickles up and a dark flush rises to his cheeks.

Suddenly a presence makes itself known from behind them,"Move the gay shit from infront of the fridge, man. I need more beer and you're blocking my fucking way."

Tristan pouts but releases him after a moment. He turns around while sneakily putting space between them. Tristan doesn't seem that bad really but he'd rather not end up taking that chance and end up getting some kind of sex disease that rots your balls off or something.

Frank stares back at him, seeming to almost be in shock before he instantly snaps out of it. He carefully avoids looking at Gerard, clearly trying to make it seem as if they weren't even aquainted.

"So _Tristan...this_ is your new fuck buddy?"Frank asks almost too casually.

"Nah, just a friend....for now. He was just too hot to pass up on."Tristan wraps an arm around Gerard's waist, a slow smirk creeping up on his face.

"Yeah well I've got to go before I somehow manage to catch the gay from you two, later Tristie."He grabs a beer at random from the fridge and with that he rushes out of the kitchen.

"Tristie?"Gerard questions, arching an eyebrow in a very MikeyWay way.

"He calls me that because of the time he found out I wear thongs _sometimes._ He seems to think I'm so fucking girly now despite the fact he's like a freaking bottom. _Well_ looks like one anyways, between you and me he's like a total top but you'd never even think it with how short that motherfucker is."He leans up against the counter, glancing off towards the crowd of people in the living room.

Gerard frowns, taking another drink of his beer. Frank was a total top? What does that even mean? Wasn't he like totally straight?

"I'm pretty sure Frank's like bi or just so far in the closet he can see Narnia by the way. We had sex just before him and that crazy chick started 'dating'."

Frank Iero bi? Can't be possible....It just can't be.


	9. Endless nights go by

**Gerard**

 

He stumbles around aimlessly, barely staying on his feet. He's all alone. Tristan fucked off somewhere but Frank is nowhere in sight. At least there was something good about this night, he guesses.

Gerard huffs out a breath in frustration, stupidly long hair falling into his face. On a good day this shit was something to hide behind, on other's...It was a fucking rats nest that got in his way. He takes another step and before he knows it, he's falling falling  _falling_ but before he can he can make a Gerard shaped hole in the floor he's caught by Frank fucking Iero, _of course._

 _"Whoa,_ how fucking drunk are you, man?"He chuckles, his arm still around Gerard's waist. He seemed to be completely unaware of Gerard's discomfort, making it all the more obvious how drunk Frank really was.

" 'm fine."Gerard mumbles, staring down at his feet as he struggles to breathe normally,"You seen Mikey Way? I need to get home and I'm fucked if he left."

"I can do you one better. I can fucking drive you home you cute motherfucker! C'mon."His words slur as he grins up Gerard but there's no room to object as Frank starts to pull him towards the door.

 

~~~~

 

Gerard manages to make it to the front steps mostly unharmed which was really a record for him if he were honest. Frank, however, didn't seem to be having to the best of luck staying on his feet though his falls didn't seem to effect his mood in the slightest.

Frank smiles lazily up at him, leaning up against the wall as Gerard struggles to get the door open," You look like a chick, dude. I mean it's obvious that you're not 'cause....reasons but it works for you you know? I like it."

He just barely remembers to breathe as he pushes the door open, revealing the darkness within. Fuck his life _seriously,_ "So people say. I guess it just fits, I'm not really the most masculine guy out there you know? I'm not like you."

Frank snorts but doesn't make any attempt to reply and for that Gerard is greatful. He doesn't think he can take anymore painfully awkward conversation tonight or _well_ any night really.

He stumbles inside with a barely suppressed yawn, falling straight onto the couch gracelessly as Frank falls behind. Frank shuts the door behind him and just plops down next to Gerard as if it's _no big deal._

"You know something, Gerard?"He grins widely at him,"You have a really sweet face and like the weirdest nose known to man, it's awesome you know?"

He flushes pink, staring down at his feet as he shakes his head in denial. He looks up suddenly and has to stop himself from squeaking in surprise at just how close Frank was to him.

Their faces are only inches apart as Frank's expression turns thoughtful. He reaches up and with a tattooed hand, brushes Gerard's dark bangs back lightly as if to get a better look at him,"You're a very beautiful person, Gerard. So many people know it, some would _kill_ to be as gorgeous as you, okay? Someday you'll see it."

Frank leans in closer and Gerard is suddenly aware of just how fast his heart is racing as their lips finally touch. It's just the barest touch but it still sends a shiver down his spine, it's nothing like they say. There's no fireworks or actual skippings of the heart but what he actually feels is worlds better. He feels...complete. Like he finally found where he fit, he felt _home._

He can feel Frank smiling against his lips before he pulls back,"I know my words are worth a grain of salt in your books but you're a really sweet dude, Gerard."

Gerard bites his lips, his blushing only seeming to get darker. Frank's eyes widen suddenly and his smile grows as he jumps up.

"I think I have something of yours."He rushes out the door then, leaving it wide open in a way that drives anyone crazy.

After a few minutes, he returns with a movie case and an adorably stupid grin. He shoves the case into Gerard's hand then plops down incredibly close to him. Gerard frowns a bit as he turns the case over, revealing its name:The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

"It had your name on it. I don't why I've had it."He says suddenly so serious," I'm sorry, Gerard, taking your movie is crime worthy of death! Bring forth the guillotine." Frank takes Gerard's hand and kisses his palm with his grin still in place.

His words have long been caught in his throat by that time but he finally manages to croak,"Indeed! But I guess I can forgive you."

Frank most likely wouldn't remember anything from tonight. He never did after he actually drank that much. He pulls Gerard into a hug suddenly, giggling as he nearly falls off the couch and almost manages to take the other boy with him.

"You should probably head home now and get some sleep, Frank. You're going to have a hell of a hangover in the morning."

"Later."Frank waves his hand dismissively, slumping down on the old couch,"I'm good with this. This works _real_ well."

"You're not going to pass out on my couch, dude. You'll give Mikey a massive heart attack if he comes home to find you here so you gotta go home okay?"Gerard sighs, fighting the urge that tells him that shutting his eyes will be a _fabulous_ idea.

 _"Yeah,_ your little bro right? Don't want to get on his bad side, he's kind of scary honestly....For a toothpick. Okay, okay I'm _going_ but I'm coming back, motherfucker!"Frank mumbles, rising to his feet and stumbling through the room just barely missing all the breakables as he makes his way finally out of the door.

Gerard rushes out the door as he hears wretching noises and manages to catch him just as he starts to throw up on his mother's rose bush," Seriously, what the fuck? You couldn't have waited to puke in the grass like everyone else?"

"M'sorry."Frank groans, wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve as he manages to stand up,"Fucking gross man, it's in my _hair."_

"I think that's your cue to leave, Frank. It's probably best you do that and not puke in the other one."

He points to Gerard shakily, grinning as if he's unaware of what he just did,"Too fucking right you are, man. I'm going...Going to wash my fucking hair. You should too." 

~~~~~

 

"Things will be A-okay."He mumbles, not really believing it no matter how much he repeats it.

Gerard slumps down on the couch, grabbing a neon pink stuffed unicorn that was without a doubt Mikey's from the table. Where is his brother anyways? He should be back now and going to bed. Oh _god,_ he's starting to sound like his mother.

Mikey most likely just went to see Ray anyways. For once he hopes that's the case. It's no secret that he's never really approved of their relationship, with how much older Ray really was and Mikey only being a freshmen in _high school_ but he could do much worse, Gerard guesses. At least Ray seemed to be nice even if he was a bit stand offish.

He shakes himself from his thoughts as he rises to his feet and slowly walks to the kitchen in the darkness. There really was no reason for the lights to be on when it's only him. He starts a pot of coffee before taking a seat at kitchen table as he waits for it to get finished completely.

It doesn't seem to take nearly as long as usual for it to finish and for that, he's grateful. Gerard stands clumsily and just settles on an egg shell white mug with some sort of faded writing on it. He drinks his coffee without any add ins and manages to drain most of the pot before he flicks off the light and proceeds to stumble through the hallway to his room. 

There's no time to think anymore tonight, he doesn't want there to be. It's only him in the darkness after all. When sleep comes for him, he lets it take him easily. Then there was nothing at all.

" _Gee?"_

_"Yeah, Frankie?"He mumbles sleepily,  eyes barely open._

_"Can I sleep with you in your sleeping bag? I really hate it when it rains this hard."Frank jumps with a squeak as the thunder sounds, booming and seeming so close to them._

_" 'Course, you can. C'mon."Gerard scoots over as much as he can so Frank will have enough room to squeeze in._

_He doesn't hear him move but he certainly does feel it as something cold wraps around his arm. He jumps slightly, only a murmured apology from Frank as he snuggles up to him, one small arm on Gerard's stomach as he finally seems to get comfortable._

_"You're the best."_

Gerard wakes not able to breathe. He's tries frantically to take deep breaths in the solid darkness but finds in horror there is nothing. He rolls over suddenly, eyes clenched shut as he gets his precious oxygen.

As his breathing starts to even out, he forces his heavy eyelids apart. Around him it's mostly dark, only the vaguest shapes able to be seen as he glances around letting his eyes adjust to the dimness. There is only the tiniest shred of light coming into his room through the window, giving away the allusion of night.

He winces as he sits up, running his hand along the bed where he was laying until he hits something hard. It becomes obvious to him what it is as he picks it up carefully, resisting the urge to smack himself in the head for his stupidity. How did he not fucking realise he had slept on his _phone._

He flips it open, hissing as the light hits his eyes. _Every_ _fucking time._ In the notification bar at the top of the little screen he sees the symbol for a voicemail. He types in the number for it quickly and waits for it to play.

" _Hey Gerard, how's it going with you and Mikey? Listen I won't be able to make it home for another week so you're have to hold the fort down till I get back! Tell Mikey he better start on that paper of his if he wants it in by its due date. Well, I'm rambling...Love and miss you guys!"_

 _Fuck..._ He had completely forgotten about his mother. How does that even happen? He better go ahead and call Mikey. It's not _too_ early in the morning...He thinks.

Mikey answers fairly quickly, a record for him actually as it usually took him a few rings till he'd answer his damn phone that was practically glued to his hand," 'Llo?"

"Hey Mikes."

"Why are you calling me so goddamn early, Gee. It's...It's three am!"He yawns loudly and Gerard can the slightest bit of rustling in the background.

"Oh shit sorry. I wasn't aware you were actually sleeping for once. How nice. Hmm, well I just thought you should know mom called. She won't be home for another week _also_ she said you should start on your paper since she obviously knows you haven't yet." Gerard rolls his eyes, but a reply from Mikey doesn't come, only a faint voice able to be heard. It clearly wasn't meant for him to here," _Who's on the phone, babe."_

The call cuts off abruptly and he sighs, flipping his phone shut. He sets it next to his bed where he's sure to lose it once again before laying back on his tangled mess of blankets. They always managed to twist and fold around him in his sleep.

Gerard sits up again a few minutes after, grumbling as he stumbles to his feet. He was never going to get back to sleep at this point. He might as well take advantage of this time and do something even the slightest bit useful but first....Coffee.

The coffee actually doesn't take a long as usually or so it seemed and he soon found himself back downstairs in his dim room with a steaming mug of coffee that seemed to make everything much more bareable. He chooses to take a seat at his desk, taking slow sips from his mug. 

Gerard sits his mug down to the side as he searches through his drawers for a pen. He sets to work soon after, losing himself in his own little world and allowing his coffee to go cold. The ink against the once blank paper calls to him in the most startling way, seeming to be the only thing real.

Soon enough he has to sit his pen down with a groan, stretching his hand out. Hand cramps were always the _worst._ It's only then that he fully comes back, enough to understand the noises around him perhaps but it doesn't stop him from falling out his chair at the sudden banging somewhere upstairs. Not inside clearly which meant...there was someone knocking at the front door. 

This couldn't be anything good.

 


	10. Dreams are only illusions

**Frank**

 

What the _fuck_ was on his face? A dark pink, almost crimson really stained his mouth and the skin around it. Oh _fuck_ did he makeout with someone at that party last night? Jamia is going to be so pissed.

He wets a dark coloured wash cloth with warm water and starts to scrub at his face. What happened last night? Oh fuck, he was so screwed. 

His heart starts to speed up as panic really set in, he could feel the beginning of a headache already. Of fucking _course,_ he should know better by now. He usually had a horrible hangover in the morning that nothing could help but today it seemed he had escaped its wrath.

Frank finally manages to get the stain off his face after a while then sets off in search of headache medicine. He calls it a win when he finds a mostly empty bottle of them in his sock drawer. He dry swallows two with a wince and curls up in his mostly dark room.

It doesn't take very long at all before sleep captures him completely...

_"You know something, Gerard."Frank grins at him, his hair a complete mess,"You have a really sweet face and like the weirdest nose known to man, it's awesome you know?"_

_Gerard only shakes his head, face quickly turning a light shade of pink as he looked purposely anywhere but at the smaller boy. Without thinking, Frank moves closer to Gerard making him squeak in surprise._

_Their face are only inches apart as Frank reaches up and brushes Gerard's bangs back, not even a hint of humour in his voice as he speaks,"You're a very beautiful person, Gerard. So many people know it, some people would kill to be as gorgeous as you, okay? Someday you'll see it."_

_He leans in then, pressing his lips gently to Gerard's thin ones. It not much of a kiss really but he enjoyed it all the same, feeling like he had finally gone home after all those years._

Frank wakes with a gasp, panting heavily as his heart races in his chest. _Fuck,_ this wasn't possible. It couldn't be real, could it? He fucking hopes not.

He snatches his phone up from inside his shoe, determined to text that weirdo, Tristan, and see what the fuck was going on.

_**Frank:** what the fuck happened last night_

Not long after sending the first message, his phone buzzes. Fucking _finally._

_**Tristan:** damn whats with the questions this early in the morning, midget? And u dont even say hello how rude_

_**Frank:** just answer the question_

_**Tristan:** i dont know what ur talking about dude. U should that Gerald dude u guys seemed to get pretty chummy last night_

_**Frank:** what the FUCK do you mean by that_

_**Tristan:** damn little man complex much man? Im just saying you guys seemed to be getting along pretty well last night cuz you drove him home.....and you didnt come back either._ ;)

Frank throws his phone down in frustration, running a hand through his oddly stiff hair. What the _fuck_ is going on? He has a fucking girlfriend for gods sake. He didn't do shit like that. 

It was that dude last night, wasn't it? He must have taken advantage of Frank's drunkness and kissed him so Jamia would break up with him. That _had_ to be it. 

He stumbles up from his bed, quickly coming to a conclusion on what has to be done. Looks like he's going to pay Gerard a visit since he _clearly_ should know what's going on.

Frank starts down the stairs quickly, pulling on one of his many hoodies. There's no use in changing clothes anyways. At least they're not covered in vomit like last time. It doesn't take too long before he's in the living room, he ignores his grandmother's questions instead focusing on getting out the door without dying from the sunlight. He wasn't going to let a fucking hangover stop him from getting to that little pansy.

~~~~~

 

Frank bangs on the door impatiently, his anger evident to him in every knock. This was _bullshit._ The door swings open suddenly, revealing a miserable looking Gerard.

He shoves him inside angrily and the long haired boy falls back with a gasp, though he doesn't seem overly surprised. He stands in the door frame, staring him down as if daring him to make a move. 

"What fucking happened last night and if you better not lie."

"I-I don't know what you'r-"Gerard stutters out, stumbling to his feet.

"You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. You kissed me you disgusting _fag."_  He growls, taking a step forward.

Gerard's eyes widen as if he were somehow shocked but it quickly turns into a glare,"You kissed me, dumbass, and don't go calling me a fag 'cause you know what? It's none of your fucking business anyways. At least _I_ don't lie to myself about it."

Frank takes a step back as if out of instinct but quickly recovers," You can dream all you want, you stupid fag, but I'd never kiss a pansy like you. I'm not fucking gay. All you are is a pitiful piece of shit that not even your mother could love." He spits out with as much hatred as he can muster.

Gerard shoves him suddenly, catching him off guard as he falls back onto the neatly mown lawn. Frank stares at him as he had grown a second head, what the _fuck?_ Where had this come from?

"Why do you feel the need to fucking antagonize me, Frank?"He hisses angrily," I've haven't give you any goddamn reason to treat me so badly and yet here you are! And you know what, Frank? You're the one who kissed _me,_ you sat there and told me I was beautiful, I knew it was a bad idea to let you drive me but when it comes to you...I just could never fucking win. If you want to hate my fucking guts then fine _...GREAT!_ I don't give a shit anymore, but stay the hell away from me and stay the fuck out of my life! I don't need your goddamn pessimism."

With that Gerard slams the door shug, leaving Frank to stare blankly at it as if held all the answers. What the fuck was _that?_ Last time he saw that loser he was scared of his own shadow.

He finally manages to get a hold of himself after a few minutes, dusting off his pants as he stands. He doesn't even bother to go get in that dumbass's face for shoving him, instead choosing to head for his car. This was a seriously fucked up day.

Frank seriously doesn't know what the fuck he was even talking about. The dude must be delusional or some shit like that. He wouldn't kiss that greasy haired freak! What the _fuck._

He drives back to his house almost in a daze, nearly hitting the bumper of three other cars before he pulls back into his driveway. He heads straight for his room, his head starting to ache terribly once he finally falls face first on his bed.

Frank lays there for what seems like centuries, only the darkness surrounding him to keep him company. _Fuck_ soon enough he was going to be as nuts as that creep. His door opens suddenly and he grumbles irritably as the light hits his eyes.

"What did you do to Gerard!"Jamia hisses right next to his ear and he can barely keep from jerking away. How the _fuck_ had she gotten so close to him?

He rolls his eyes, pressing his face into his pillow,"I didn't do shit to him."

"Then why the fuck did he tell me you came over yelling some bullshit at him like a lunatic, huh?"She scoffs."I'm getting sick of all this shit you do, Frank."

"Then fucking _leave,_ it's not like I give a fuck. You wouldn't be the first. There are plenty of girls just like you, Jamia, except some of them don't lie to themselves. Why don't you go find Lindsey, _huh?"_ Frank sneers, standing suddenly and going to open the door.

Jamia's mouth falls open, as if she were in shock. Like she _really_ believed he wouldn't find out,"Here you go changing the subject again. I'm one in a million, Frank. You won't find another like me. Isn't that what you said?"

"Yeah well I lied, isn't that what we do in this relationship? It fucking seems like it but here's a game changer! You don't have a boyfriend anymore and you can go tell that faggy friend of yours not to fucking cross me again or I'll make his life hell. Now get the fuck out and don't come back."

Jamia backs into the doorway before turning once again,"One of these fucking days you're going to be sorry for the horrible things you've done to everybody! You won't have a friend left in the world. Just wait, Frank, you'll be sorry."

"I seriously doubt that. Go find someone else to lay that fucking guilt trip on." With that he slammed his bedroom door in her face. Listening as she stomped down the hall and out of his life for what he hopes is for good. 

What a _great_ fucking day! And all because of that fag. Singlehandedly Gerard had fucked everything up. He _obviously_ knew what he was doing when he started spewing that bullshit to everyone. That pansy was going _pay._

 

 


	11. Does this hat make my ass look fat?

**Gerard**

 

He slides to the floor, hands pressed to his tightly shut eyes and his back to the locked door. _Fuck_ he was so stupid. He should have _known_ this was going to happen.

He sucks in a ragged breath, desperately trying not to let his self control slip. This was nothing fucking new. Frank had despised him ever since middle school and that wasn't ever going to change. He just needed to get used to it.

He jerks at the sound of a heavy knock, wiping uselessly at his face as he scrambles to his feet. He sighs inwardly as he looks through the small hole, frowning as he backs away from the door. He couldn't deal with this shit today.

"Gerard, I know you're here. Let me in!"Jamia calls, her voice slightly muffled as she knocks once again.

He chokes on a sob as he curls up on one end of the couch, his Star Wars blanket tucked underneath him. He tries to stay mostly quiet in hopes that she'll just go away. The door opens suddenly and in comes Jamia, along with the harsh light of the outside world. He flinches as it hits his eyes and he buries his face into his arms.

The door slams shut with a bang and he lifts his head up, letting his dark hair fall into his face as if to hide him. She makes her way over to him quickly, seeming to somehow sense something was wrong.

"What's wrong, Gerard?"She asks, her concern evident as she takes a seat next to him,"Have you been crying?"

"No! Nothing's wrong. I'm just not feeling my best today."Gerard coughs lightly into his fist and takes a moment to pull his blanket over him.

"Don't lie, I know you are. What happened?"

"It's nothing....Really." He mumbles, running his hand over his face with a wince. _Fuck,_ this really wasn't a good day.

"Tell me, Gerard." Jamia demands, a certain edge to her voice that makes him flinch as she reaches towards him.

She sighs softly before backing away and leaning back against the couch. He sniffles and wipes at a stray tear on his surely dark pink cheek. Jamia stares up at the ceiling for a moment before turning back to him.

"Will you please tell me, Gerard?"She says slowly and after a few seconds in thought, Gerard nods once.

"I....Frank- he..."Gerard breaks off, a lump in his throat as he fiddles with the end of his blanket looking anywhere but at her.

"He _what?_ What did he do now?" Jamia looks furious then, her makeup slightly smeared as she stands.

Gerard takes a deep breath and starts over," Last night he drove me home from a party and when we got here h-he kissed me. He came over here yelling at me and accusing me of taking advantage of him...I just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I've spent so many years yearning to be by his side again, the summer I lost him it was like I lost a piece of me. He was my first love and the only person I think I could ever truly love."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."Jamia whispers, seeming shocked and really he has no idea what to expect. He never thought he'd admit it to her." I'm going to go confront him."

He stares at her for a few minutes like she's insane before shaking his head furiously. He can't let her do that...Not for him. There's no telling how Frank would react. Especially knowing it's about him.

"You don't have to do that."Gerard squeaks and she frowns, crossing her arms as she looks him over.

"Well I want to, you didn't deserve this. Any of it. He's going to have to learn sometime that there are consequences for his actions. I'll be later and we'll hang out, okay?"The only thing he can do is nod and he really can't help but feel like this wasn't going to end well....For anyone involved.

After one final hug, she leaves for Frank's, maybe even for good. He lays back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling with burning eyes. Is this really his life? A constant obsession over someone who hates his guts and isn't afraid to show it, even now it never fails to cut deep like a knife never could...To know how someone who had once been his best friend despised him. There was nothing they could do to him that could hurt worse than that.

Gerard pushes his hair back out of his face, wincing at what will surely be the start of a horrible headache. He closes his eyes for a moment before rising to his feet and starts off for his room. Soon he is carefully making his way down the stairs and flopping straight onto the bundle of blankets on his bed. He gropes blindly underneath his bed until he comes up with a warm bottle of cheap vodka that was little less than half full. It'd have to do. He takes a drink of it with a wince before taking another, it tasted awful at any point but it being warm certainly wasn't doing him any favours but if it'd get him drunk he didn't give a fuck.

He sighs as lays back on his bed, letting his eyes slide shut once the dim lighting starts to bother him. He shouldn't have let Frank kiss him last night. He _knew_ it wouldn't end well but he just...let it happen. Now Jamia has gotten involved and god knows who else, that was her _boyfriend_ for fucksakes! Maybe Frank would take take his advice and leave him alone but he highly doubted it. Frank always did have a thick skull.

After a while he takes another drink and another and another. Until the rest of the bottle is completely gone. He sighs and grinds the palms of his hands against his eyes, his body heavy and his mind dull as he lays there. He wishes he could just stay drunk. Gerard always felt better when he was; as if he didn't have to think at all. Everything seemed okay, at least....for a little while.

Gerard squeaks as something underneath him vibrates. He rolls over to the other side of the bed and looks to the spot he once was in. There lied his goddamn phone. He snatched it up quickly and pressed the answer button," 'Lo?"

Wait, that's not right _...Shit."_ Hi hun, how are you?"

"Oh um....Good. An- And yourself?" Gerard stutters out, feeling as he had just got caught doing something wrong.

"I'm doing just fine, hun! So how are things going with Frank?"Grandma Elena asks casually and _fuck_ he should have known she'd know something.

"Uhh.."He desperately racks his brain for something to say but his mind has gone entirely blank.

"Don't worry, honey, you don't have to tell me anything right now but if you ever need some advice you can always come to me."She says cheerfully and he doesn't even have to see her to know she's smiling.

"Okay, grandma."He mumbles, turning onto his side to look at a rather suspicious stain on the floor between two small piles of clothes.

"Okay, hun. Well I need to go see to a friend of mine. I'll talk to you later." Gerard bids her goodbye then and ends the call a few seconds later. 

His stomach had started grumbling by that time but as much as tried he couldn't get up. Finally he found the strength to get the fuck up because he needed _food._ Once inside the kitchen, he quickly made a mayo and banana slices sandwich before heading for the still unoccupied living room. He takes a seat in the flower patterned chair to the left of the couch before taking his first bite of his sandwich. It's fucking _perfect._  

Just as he's about to take a second bite there's a knock but he doesn't even have time to stand before the door opens, of course it's Jamia. She's wiping at her face with some type of paisley cloth and he can tell from there that she's crying. He had tried to tell her.

"I broke up with Frank."She blurts out, not giving him a chance to say anything. He wouldn't know what to say anyways. He was never good in these types of situations.

 _"What?"_ His eyes widen and it's as if he's unable to move. He's fairly sure there's not much he can do at this point.

"He has been so horrible to so many people. I don't know what I ever saw in him. It's good riddance to bad rubbish."

Gerard finally manages to stand, shuffling over to her and awkwardly hugging her with one arm. She wipes at face once more and manages to take off half her running eye makeup.

"I'm sorry, Jamia. " He mumbles, patting her shoulder in a way he hopes is soothing." Do you want to like...go on a walk or something?"

"No I just....want to sit here, m'kay?" She sniffles quietly and unknowingly steals Gerard's seat, leaving him to close the door.

"Uh...Okay then." He takes a seat on the couch, wishing this day was just a nightmare he could wake up from at any point in time. He can hear her still crying but he's not sure how can help.  

The door opens suddenly and in comes Mikey with his eyes as always glued to his phone. He's wearing that stupid fucking beanie again and Gerard grins as he realises Mikey hadn't noticed them yet. He follows him silently into the kitchen, as he turns to the coffee machine Gerard snatches that goddamn beanie off his head. Mikey whirls around with his usual poker face gone if only for a moment.

Gerard puts the beanie on his head and runs back into the living room, Mikey trailing after him. He twirls around like a model, giggling like crazy as he does a model pose.

"How do I look?"

Jamia gasps slightly as she starts to giggle and she doubles over at his weird pose laughing even harder than before. Mikey snatches it off his head whilst pouting slightly....Gerard _swears_ Mikey was just like him sometimes.

"What did it not go well with my ass?"He asks, a small smile playing in his lips.

"Fuck you, Gerard."Mikey glares at him before stomping off down the hall.

"No thanks, we're brothers!!"Gerard calls after him and Jamia who had just about stopped laughing, started to shake once again and made a noise like a pig dying.

"Goddamn, Gerard. You're killing me."She wipes a tear from her face, her face mostly red.

At least she wasn't crying anymore....

 


	12. Not exactly what I had in mind

**Gerard**

 

_A lone boy stands motionless in a seemingly endless, eggshell white hallway. His brown hair fell limply to his shoulder, seeming to be the only colour to him as his clothes were the same off white._

_He was turned in opposite direction, his face out of sight. There was nothing._

_A cold voice suddenly booms over him,"Take him back to his cell."_

_Immediately two men in white appear at his sides, grabbing his pale arms. They try to tug him away but he resists more and more, screeching until he jerks away only for a moment._

_His face is revealed if only for a second before they pull him away while he screams and kicks. It was a face that looked so similar to his._

Darkness surrounds him, cold and suffocating as he gasps for breath. His dark hair is plastered to his head and face with sweat, his clothing stuck to his body as he shakes. Not even the vaguest shape of anything could be made out and he lets his eyes slide shut.

It fills his mind with desperation and dreary grays that'll never go away and he's not sure how to go on. It leaves no room for anything else, it's like a nightmare that never was though he knew what it truly is. He wish didn't, he wished he didn't remember.

He reaches for his phone impulsively before quickly snatching his hand away as if he had been shocked. He curled in on himself, tears pricking up in his eyes as a pitiful sob escapes from him.

_Choking....Couldn't breathe_

 

_Gerard picks up his phone and shakily dialed the number he knew by heart. Pick up pick up **Pick Up**  ....Please._

_" 'Lo?"_

_"Frankie?" He whimpers, the fear in his voice saying everything he couldn't._

_"You had another nightmare didn't you. Don't worry, Gee. I'll be right over."Frank says slowly and Gerard is in no place to argue even if wanted to. Frank's voice is warm and almost deep, not even cracking once like it usually does._

_" M'kay, Frankie. Thank you."He mumbles, wiping uselessly at his damp face._

_"It's no problem...Seriously. I'll be over in a few minutes. Wait for me in the living room okay?"_

_He can hear Frank moving around a bit before everything goes quiet. He starts to gather up some blankets then and stumbles to his feet._

_"I'm going to let you go now, Gee, so I can leave."Frank's voice sounds far away and there's more rustling about._

_"Okay...Be careful."Gerard ends the call and lets the phone fall into the floor with a thump._

_He sneaks through darkness with three or four different blankets until he gets to the living room. He snuggles into one corner of the couch under a Star Wars blanket Frank got him for his birthday. He tries to settle himself down with the knowledge that Frank will be there soon but it doesn't really help._

_There's a knock on the door and he jumps up to run to the door. He swings it open and is immediately met with two arms wrapping themselves around him and pulling him into a tight hug. Gerard buries his head against his chest with a soft sob as Frank bumps the door shut and leads them slowly to the couch._

_They take a seat, still holding onto each other and Frank presses a kiss to his forehead," You want tell me about it?_

_Gerard shakes his head before grabbing the bundle of blankets he had brought up with him," In the morning?"_

_Frank smiles at him reassuringly," Okay, Gee. How about we get all set up?"_

_He makes quick work of wrapping those blankets around them and soon he has his arms right back around Gerard as to make sure he knew he wasn't going anywhere. Gerard quickly settled in, curled up against Frank's side and calm as Frank continues to stroke his hair. There was nowhere that could ever be better._

Hot tears have started to roll down his face but he makes no effort to wipe them away.  Frank had always been the one to chase away his nightmares and he would have done the same for him in a heartbeat. As time has gone on, he's come to realise how they had both had their own separate problems. Their own fears but that had been what made them, _well_ them. It was why they fit so well together, they were always willing to help each other through _anything._

He stares up at the ceiling trying to figure out where to go from there. He hadn't had a dream like that since... _No._  Can't start thinking about that again.

He finally forces himself to get out of bed after a while and exits his room, walking through the darkness on and on. He stops in living room, only the slightest bit of light coming through the windows mostly obscured by the dull patterned curtains. He finds himself looking up the framed pictures on wall with a bitter he can't quite identify....So what now?

His legs go numb suddenly and he sinks to the ground, his whole body seeming heavy as he lays his head down in the cushioned chair. His eyes start to shut, his skin burning as everything fades to black.

 

~~~~~~~

 

"What are you doing, Gerard?"

He's jerked back into consciousness and immediately flinches away from the all noise, holding his hands over his ears as a sharp pain shoots through his head. He hears a loud shriek and it takes him a second to realise it had come from him.

He forces his heavy eyelids apart, his vision blurry as he just barely manages to make out who was standing in front of him.

"What the hell, Gee?" Mikey exclaims and Gerard winces, his hands on his aching head.

Mikey stares at him with wide eyes, his concern evident as presses his thin hand against Gerard's forehead,"Jesus Gee, you're boiling fucking hot. I think you're sick."

He groans lowly and buries his burning face against the couch cushion. _Fuck,_ how could he be sick? He can hear Mikey tapping something out on his phone before that telltale ringing starts. Something was wrong with his _ears._ It's as if someone had shoved cotton deep into his ears never to be seen again. Gerard glances up at Mikey who seemed to be talking on the phone but he wasn't too sure, only being able to make out a word here and there.

Finally after a few minutes he sets his phone down and walked back to where Gerard layed. He frowns down at him before poking him in the forehead.

"You're still awake right? I'm going to need you to get up and go back to your room, Gee. Grams will be over shortly." Mikey says quietly, carefully helping Gerard into a sitting position much to his displeasure.

"Why can't I just stay here..."His words slurred as he watched Mikey disappear and reappear in seconds."Why do you keep doing that?"

"C'mon just get up and soon you'll be right back in your room. I'm sure it's much better this shitty old couch."Mikey sighs, crossing his bony arms. He was like a black haired scarecrow.

 _"Fine."_ Gerard grumbles and struggles to his feet with Mikey doing much of the work. With his brother's help he manages to make his way through the hallway and down the stairs without him collapsing.

He falls face first on his bed, getting lint in his mouth as he lays out all spread eagle. Behind him, he can hear Mikey walking to the side of his bed and before he knows it there is a blanket on him that he doesn't really appreciate. He wiggles his way up to his blessedly cold pillow and keeps his face pressed into it.

"You get some sleep now alright?"

"Okay, Mikey-Mike. I'm gonna.... Sleep."Gerard watches as Mikey rolls his eyes before leaving him completely alone. He never could sleep with someone watching him.

He quickly goes from too hot to too cold in a matter of minutes before going back again whilst his body just aches and aches. Fuck Fuck _Fuck_ As he turns on his side he can just barely make out a figure standing in his doorway.

"Poor thing. He probably has the flu, it's starting to go around you know. Don't worry, Mikey, I'll take good care of him. Now go hang out with that boyfriend of yours. Go own now." Grandma scolds Mikey, who looks less than happy as much as he can anyways.

"I don't want to just leave him here like this. Ray will understand."Mikey argues even though Gerard is sure he knows better than to try and reason with their grandmother when her mind is made up.

Gerard can't hear anymore after that but he's sure of the outcome as Mikey pouts and leaves her side. She walks over to him after he's gone with a sympathetic smile, pressing a cool hand to his burning forehead. He sighs quietly and closes his eyes again.

"How do you feel, Gerard?"She asks, her expression one of concern.

His mouth feels like the Sahara Desert at the moment but he still finds an answer," Really shitty." He manages a weak smile before opening his eyes.

"Here take these. They'll help you sleep."She hands over two small pills and a glass of water. He grimaces at the taste and washes them down with all the water, his thirst finally quenched as he falls back.

"Just sleep as long as you can. It'll help you fight off whatever you have. I'll be upstairs if you need me."Grandma Elena says calmly, her voice low as not to irritate his head while she makes her way through his messy room.

He listens, eyes closed, as she quietly closes the door and the silence that follows. He's warm...Too warm really but it doesn't matter as drowsiness washes over him, his body so heavy, and soon he's just completely gone to the world.

And for that he's glad.

 


	13. Open your eyes

 

**Gerard**

 

"What are you doing?"He mumbles, words muffled as he tried to roll over in his bed but only succeeded in finding himself face down into his pillow.

"Go back to sleep, Gee. You need to rest as much as you can." Mikey replies as though he weren't going through Gerard's closet _at that very moment._

Seriously what the _fuck_ is he doing? If he keeps digging around in there he's going to find things that were going to scar him for life. Gerard watches as he pulls a comic book from a shredded box and tucks it into a hideous puke green bag he was carrying with him as if he thought Gerard couldn't see him.

"I see what you're doing, Mikey." He grumbles,"I'm _sick_ not blind."

Mikey rolls his eyes but heads over to him," I know that, Gerard. A guy I know wants to see that comic book you've been working on."

"And you can't ask me first?"He retorts, struggling to sit up as he weren't tired at _all._  

 _"Well_ I already knew you'd say yes. I'm right aren't I?"Mikey smirks at him as he walks towards the stairs.

"You know me well, Mikes."Gerard's laughs are cut off as he starts to cough heavily," You may take it as long as your friend doesn't fuck it up. I don't have to worry about you doing that- most of the time." He knows for a fact Mikey won't intentionally mess up anything of his. He never has.

"Okay, Gee. Oh hey I've got to get going. Jamia will be here later to keep you company." With that said, Mikey then rushes up the stairs as fast as his bony legs can carry him leaving Gerard to die of boredom- or well the flu more like it.

He glances around his dimly lit room and sighs, making it his personal mission to _get the fuck out of this bed._ That was something he never thought he would say. He manages to stand up rather quickly....and falls straight down again, hitting his already bruised elbow in the process. _Goddamn._ He lets his legs adjust to having to move again and after a moment cautiously rises to his feet.

Gerard ambles through the hallway, gently massaging his sore elbow as he makes his way into the living room. All through the house it seemed so oddly empty, the shadows moving around him fluidly, continuing to contort its shape at will. At first glance it seemed that everything had conformed into something less than normal but he knows its all in his head. It was always like this when he was sick, even the smallest cold seemed to bring with it hallucinations of things that really wasn't sure of. He didn't want to be.

He goes for the kitchen and immediately notices the half full coffee pot. He grabs a Star Wars mug from one of the cabinets and pours it most of the way full. He drains the mug, not even caring at this point that it was lukewarm at best and probably fairly old. It was still _coffee._

 _"God,_ Gerard. It's not going anywhere."Someone laughs behind him, he didn't bother turning though. Just chose to pour some more into his mug. He already knew it was Jamia. He always knew.

"I could drink this shit forever. I need to survive." Gerard smiles faintly before putting his mug down.

"Yeah, I bet." She giggles from behind her hand," Hey shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I'm actually feeling better. I just want to drink coffee and maybe sleep some more."Gerard replies, finishing what's left in his cup," They wouldn't let me have any coffee."

Jamia nods and heads over to the cabinets where they keep the coffee grounds. She's over here enough to know where everything is by now. He leaves her to put the coffee on and heads back to the living room. He settles into one corner of their couch and pulls an old blanket up to his chin.

Jamia comes in some time later with two steaming mugs of what he assumes is coffee. She hands one to him and sits on the middle cushion though not _too_ closely as they sip their drinks quietly- Up until the point when Jamia starts to fucking snore. And not girly snores, like full on fucking _ape._ When had she even found to time to go to sleep? Gerard glances over at her irritably, trying to resist the urge to _smother_ her. He settles for throwing Glitter, Mikey's new stuffed unicorn, at her which doesn't even faze her. He sighs and rolls his eyes, getting up to go put his mug in the kitchen.

As he's putting it into the sink he catches a glimpse of light filtering through the lacy curtains. He pulls them back a bit and takes in the outside world. It actually looked pretty nice out there, white puffy clouds against the pale blue sky. He should take a walk for once. Maybe it'll help him feel better.

Gerard walks slowly through the hallway and continued the same pace as he went down the stairs, no use in breaking anything important like one of his figurines. It had happened before and he had never forgiven his cousin for that.  

He rummages through pile after pile of clothing in search of something that didn't smell like death or have any unsightly white stains on it. Gerard finally settles on a practically ancient Misfits shirt and some rather loose skinny jeans that somewhat match his most comfortable pair of shoes. He runs his fingers through his wild head of hair already knowing it's not going to help but he can't really find any fucks to give. He stuffs his sketchbook and some pencils into a bag before heading back up the stairs.

Gerard takes once last look at her before closing the door silently behind him. The street is oddly empty for this time of day, almost completely deserted except for a few small children playing and an obese, old man with balding gray hair and a stained wifebeater that barely covered him as mowed his overgrown yard. The weather is admittedly warm for this month but there's a gentle breeze that seems to follow him. It seemed like a quite favourable day in all so he keeps going.

He heads into the opposite direction of his school and takes in the world around him, focusing on even the smallest details hoping to find something that really caught his attention. It had been a while since he had drawn anything of worth. He wipes at his nose absentmindly with the back of his hand as he trudges on through the streets.

It was unlikely that he'd get lost. After all he had spent most of his childhood roaming these streets with Frank and then with Mikey to accompany them after he finally learned to walk. Their parents didn't have the faintest idea they were doing it of course. It was still New Jersey and definitely not one of the nicer areas, not the worst exactly but still not good.

Something wet suddenly drips down into his face and bare arms, he jumps just as there's a crack of thunder and it starts to pour down heavily as he turns up to the sky. Gerard shivers as icy rain struck him like needles on his skin and does the only thing he can think of. So he runs, he doesn't make it far before blackness swims into his vision and he falls to his knees as it swallows him whole.

 

~~~~~~~~~

_"It hurts."He whimpers quietly, holding onto his face with his mud covered hands._

_Gerard wraps his arms around him lovingly just as if to only comfort,"I'm sorry, Frankie. Want me to kiss it better?"_

_Frank nods slowly, sniffling slightly as Gerard leans down, pecking his forehead lightly so as not to hurt him anymore than he already is. He brushes at a patch of dirt on Frank's skin though it doesn't really help over all._

_"All better?"Gerard asks, looking down at him with a half smile._

_He smiles back so sweetly showing how he had really lost a tooth,"All better, Gee. Thank you."_

_Gerard's smile widens and Frank giggles, sneaking his hand up to touch the other boy's pale face with his cold hands. Frank was pretty tough, even tougher than Mikey he thinks sometimes._

Warmth surrounds him when he comes to but he's instantly aware of just how wrong everything seems. It was completely dark around him and he couldn't make out anything in it. He sits up to get a better look around and suddenly there's _light._

In his lap sits a damp purple wash cloth, it must have been what was obstructing his vision. _Huh,_ Mikey was right. He picks it up with his fingertips and sets it aside before attempting to take a look around.

"I see you're about awake now, huh?"From beside him comes an old, decidedly female voice and he quite nearly jumps out of his skin- Wait where were his clothes?

"Oh um...Yeah?"Gerard manages to choke out."Where am I?"

"I saw you laying out there face down and I thought to myself now that can't be right! So I went out there myself and pulled you in. Good thing too. You were soaked to the bone and passed straight out. You'll probably catch a hell of a cold as it is." She replies, chuckling as she lays yet another blanket ontop of him.

"Thank."He mumbles tiredly, staring down at the imprints of his legs through them. Where the fuck was he? 

"Oh you're welcome. You looked rather cold."She says, tucking the thick looking blanket carefully around him,"Your clothes should be done drying in a bit. I think my grandson will be home soon so he can keep you company while I run to the store later."

The oddly cheerful old woman glances at her watch and sighs deeply, turning back to him,"I need to go wash dishes. I'll come give you your clothes when they're done or he can if he'll _ever_ get back."

Gerard nods slowly, finally getting a good look around. It smelled kind of musty in here, the kind of smell you'd get after a long time of disuse. Why does this place look so familiar? He lays his head back on the surprisingly soft pillow in an attempt to sooth his forming headache.

A door slams somewhere downstairs and he winces as a jolt of pain rushes through his head. _..Fuck._ Footsteps stomp along the hallway, getting closer and closer. It's as if someone dropped a heavy ball into his stomach as he hears a muffled yell just outside the door;a distinct, _"What?"_ as the door swings open. 

"Why the fuck are you here?"Frank screeches angrily and Gerard flinches back instinctively at the sound of his voice, already knowing this wasn't going to end well.

 


	14. Things weren't meant to be this way

**Frank**

 

He can feel the rage boiling up inside as he swings the door to the guest room open. What the fuck is that piece of shit doing here? This was _his_ home, how fucking _dare_ he come here?

 

"Why the fuck are you here?"Frank screeches and the little pansy flinches as if he had already taken a swing at him. What a fucking _wimp._

 

Before he can make a move towards him, he's pulled back and he quickly whirls around to face his grandmother. What the fuck did she want _now?_ Hadn't she ruined enough shit today as it was?

 

"Why are you terrorizing this poor boy, Frank?"She frowns as he jerks away from her and tucks his hands into his pockets as he scowls.

 

"Why is _he_ here." Frank says through gritted teeth, willing himself to keep control.

 

"That is none of your concern. He is not bothering anybody and you have no right to go around trying stir up trouble."His grandma replies with a certain glint in her eye that obviously means she's done talking to him about this. 

 

"Why can't he just leave already?"

 

"If you aren't going to be of any help then just go on then."She makes a shooing gesture and he glares pointedly at Gerard over her shoulder, his eyes go wide and he ducks his head down.

 

Frank rolls his eyes and stomps his way down the hallway to his room, he slams the door with an audible bang and locks it behind him. What. The. _Fuck._

 

She actually let that little pansy in. He was fairly fucking sure he made it clear how much he despised that maggot. He had every reason in the world to hate him, after all he had to break up with Jamia because of Gerard. Little fucking faggot. _Faggot._

 

Frank vaguely hears his grandma call to him, saying how she was going to the store. Like he fucking _cares._ What does she think he'll take care of that fag while she's gone? He hopes he swallows his tongue or something. Good fucking riddance to bad rubbish.

 

He grabs one of the newer comics he had just bought the day before and starts to flip through, trying to ignore Gerard's presence. So much for that. Every time he starts to really get into the story he's interrupted by muffled sobs coming from the other room. They vary in volume sometimes just barely audible and others so loud it makes him want to go in there and punch his lights out.

 

Finally, he just _can't_ ignore it anymore, he had had _enough._ Frank jump up off his bed and storms down the hall to the guest room. He swings door back open to find Gerard with his face buried in the flower patterned pillow trying to muffle his irritating sobs. 

 

"Why the fuck are you crying?" Frank snaps once he realised Gerard hadn't noticed him come in.

 

He looks up with tears threatening to spill over in eyes, his face pinkish- red and shiny," W-why the fuck do you want to know?"

 

"You're driving me fucking nuts, asshole. That's why. Now why the fuck are you crying?"He glares at Gerard irritably but he doesn't even flinch this time. _Huh_

 

"None of your business." Gerard says dismissively and he takes a few steps towards him, suddenly sure of how was going to wipe that _fucking look_ off his face.

 

"What are you gonna do? Hit me? Go ahead. It doesn't fucking matter anyways, not in the long run. It's not like it'd be the first time."He sneers and Frank take a step back in shock. What the fuck?

 

"What the fuck is your problem?"He growls and he see a hint of anger flash in the other boy's hazel eyes.

 

"You really want to know what my fucking problem is? Huh, _huh?_ Well you are!! You're my problem!"Gerard's voice reaches near screaming levels, cracking as he goes on not leaving him time to respond," We were friends since Kindergarten until you abandoned me for those assholes who used to bully us!"

 

His tears are coming at full force at that point; his face almost fully red and skin puffy around his hazel eyes. Frank open his mouth but doesn't manage to say anything before Gerard continues.

 

"And you know what? I should hate you after all you've done to me. I should hate your fucking guts but I just...I just don't. I don't think I fucking can. The most fucked up thing is is that if you wanted to be friends again I'd jump at the chance."He stops for a second and rubs a hand over his face,"But of course I know that'll never happen. You hate me so much and I'll never understand why. I've never done anything to you to make you treat me like this and all the shit I've supposedly done or been doesn't make a good enough excuse for all the shit you've put me through."

 

As much as he tries, he can't get any words out that could possibly express what's on his mind, which at this point wasn't anything at all. He was in denial of what was happening right now, what the hell is going on?

 

"Leave." The words leave his mouth before he even realises he's saying them. Gerard doesn't look even the tinsiest bit surprised.

 

"Fine."He spits out,"I need my clothes though 'cause in case you haven't fucking noticed I'm completely naked under here."

 

Frank tries his best to conjure up the most disgusted expression he can before heading downstairs to the laundry room to look for his clothes. Finally after what feels like years of searching he find a worn Misfits shirt that's way too large to be his and a pair of skinny jeans that clearly don't belong to his grandmother. He heads upstairs after that shuddering slightly at the mental image of my grandma in skinny jeans 'cause just.... _No._

 

Once he's back at the room, Frank throws open the partially closed door and chuck the clothes at Gerard's head who frowns as his pants land on his head. Frank walks away without a word and soon after he hears the door slam downstairs giving sign that Gerard was truly gone.

 

An unfamiliar sensation settles in his stomach and he turn onto his side, gripping the side of his blanket tightly as he feel himself start to drift.....

 

_Frank sneakily grabs the orange marker from that mean boy next him and start to color in some of his new tattoos._

 

_They're not real though.....but when he's older he'll get tons of 'em!!! His mommy said that you should always express how you feel in whatever way feels right. He not sure what that means though...._

 

_He hears a click from somewhere and he looks up, noticing as a boy with brown hair come in looking nervous. Frank wonders if the boy is in trouble? He goes up to the desk and hands something to Mr. Urie who looks super happy._

 

_Suddenly Mr. Urie claps his hands and says to say hi to Gerard. Gerard? That's an old man name but he looks nice._

 

_"Hi, Gerard!!"Frank yells out, trying to get louder than the others and he looks down then back up._

 

_He waves at him, smiling widely and his cheeks turn red. His eyes suddenly go wide and he can see the color!!! Ohhhh they're so pretty._

 

_Frank runs over to him because he looks like he's going to run far away and puts his face very close to the other boy's._

 

_"You have pretty eyes."He giggles, rubbing the stickyness off his hands,"My mommy says you should alway compliment someone you want to be your friend."_

 

_Gerard looks up at him with surprise,"You...you have pretty eyes too."_

 

_"I'm Frank."He smiles his biggest smile, showing all his teeth and the gaps where some had fallen out._

 

_"I'm Gerard."Gerard stutters out, staring at the ground._

 

_"I know, silly!!! You're my best friend now."_

 

_Frank wrap his arms around him suddenly and Geratd squeaks like a chipmunk making him giggle,"Best friends forever."_

 

Frank jerks awake, feeling the sweat running down him back as his tries to shake away His dream. What the fuck was that? His bright hazel eyes stay imprinted in his mind as his stomach seems to drop. W-was that Gerard?

 

It had seem so real. It felt like he had actually been experiencing it firsthand. It feels as if there was a hole where his heart was now that he thought of how he had felt back then, the anxiousness...Excitement...happiness and perhaps something he hadn't really understood at the time.

 

It had to be a memory. We seemed so happy....so _friendly_ with each other. What happened to them? What happened to _him?_

 

Fuck, what is wrong with him. A door slams somewhere downstairs, alerting him to someone's presence and soon he hears his grandmother calls up to him clearly thinking Gerard was still hanging around but he chooses to ignore her in favor of silence. Frank can hear her light footsteps as she makes her way to the guest room, they stop suddenly then start again. She doesn't even stop at his door this time.

 

Well, isn't this the best fucking day ever?


	15. Fine and fucking dandy, asshole

**Gerard**

He wipes furiously at his tear stained cheeks. Fuck that fucking _asshole_. Of all the houses he could have passed out in front of, it _had_ to be his. He had the shittiest fucking luck. The _worst_ fucking luck.

Gerard shoves open the front door almost blinded by the tears that welled up in his eyes again and again. Jamia appears out of some hidden corner but he gives no sign that he's seen her. If there was one thing he couldn't deal with today, it was her vexatious yelling.

"Where the hell have you been?"She shrieks, her voice shrill to the point it should break glass." Mikey and I have been going fucking insane." Jamia plunges her chipped, black nails into her hair.

Gerard pushes past her, head carefully down as he purposely ignores her. It doesn't matter. It never did after all. He locks himself in his room, the only place he had where felt safe anymore. It was the one place he had where he was truly and utterly alone. He throws himself onto his bed, his sobs coming at full force as he pressed his face into his faded grey comforter. Why can't he just be put out of his fucking misery? End all this pain. There was nothing left for him here. Everything left him eventually...Even family. He gropes for the bottle he needed the most, to drown away the hurt and ache deep down inside him, even for just a moment. Instead his fingers wrap around a cylinder shaped object.

He yanks it up to where he can _just_ barely see it and manages to just see it through the darkness that was a constant in his life. It's an almost completely full bottle of pills and in that moment his mind gives him an image that's less than pleasant. He struggles to open but fails hopelessly, like he knew he would. Goddamn those fucking child safety locks. He shoves it into his right pocket without a second thought. Maybe...maybe they'd be of use later. He digs around some more before he finally comes up with a half empty bottle of cheap vodka. He fumbles with the top, almost breaking the clear bottle in the process but manages to get it loose after a while.

It's probably at least a week old and suitably foul after spending that time among his dirty socks and whatever else there was hiding under there but it was alcohol nonetheless and soon enough it wouldn't matter anyways. If it gets the job done then so be it. He takes a swallow with a grimace and takes another, not allowing himself to take a break in between lest the taste finally catch up with him. The bottle empties quickly but today of all days wasn't one to feel guilty. He didn't want to feel a goddamn thing in the world except the burn of it going down. He was a fucking idiot to ever leave the sanctuary of his room. If he hadn't left then none of this would have ever happened. It wasn't fucking fair. None of this ever fucking was. Here he was feeling like the biggest piece of human garbage ever while Frank didn't feel a goddamn thing. Not for him and possibly not for anyone else.

Gerard freezes as he hears the quiet swish of his door opening at the top of the stairs. Faint footsteps follow soon enough, growing louder as they were closer and closer. The footsteps went quiet, replaced by the sound of their light breathing just inches away and the bed dips down close to his middle as they sit, leaving no doubt as to who had come to comfort him and giving him a fleeting panic as he struggled to remove himself from the threat of human contact but failed futilely as he found his body too weak to even move a muscle.

"Gerard."Mikey murmurs and he begins to tremble faintly as tears fill his bloodshot eyes,"Where have you been... What's going on?"

He can't find it in himself to answer, choosing instead to bury his tear streaked face into his dark grey comforter as if it could possibly convince Mikey to leave him alone and not exact opposite. Mikey shifts uncomfortably and settles in as if he's aware that this would be a slow going process. Perhaps he did know so. This had, after all, become some fucked up kind of routine for them at this point.

"I'm not going anywhere."Mikey says so, so quiet like any sudden move or loud noise could potentially ruin anything and everything. It hits him like a swift punch in the gut and he feels so goddamn sick. He swallows hard, willing his stomach contents to stay put as stomach acid rose up in his throat. Wasn't it meant to be the older brother that comforts his hurt younger brother rather than the other way around? It was just so messed up and what's more it was unfair. Unfair to Mikey to always have to comfort his perpetually fucked up brother to the point they had a _routine_.

"Nothing's wrong."Gerard mumbles, his voice rough and just so fucking _raw_ , giving away every emotion he'd meant to keep buried deep down inside. Never in his entire, miserable existence had he ever wanted to get away from his brother so badly.

"Gerard, you came home crying your eyes out and refusing to speak to anyone after disappearing for the entire _day_. Along with the fact you fucking _reek_ of alcohol, don't think I couldn't tell. Don't tell me nothing's wrong. I know you better than that."

"Nothing's wrong, Mikey! Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't need your help."Gerard snaps, his words coming out harsher than expected and rough from the strain of his on and off crying. He trembles violently and his long, stringy hair falls into his face and clings to his wet cheeks as he stares down into the dark fabric below him.

As soon as the words left his mouth he felt himself flinging away purely out of instinct. There was no way to take it back. He'd singlehandedly ruined everything. He'd fucked up _everything_.

"Fine, I will. I was just trying to help." Hurt stains every syllable in his words only to be compared with a startling coldness he'd never known. Even if there was anything he could say or do to make up for his unforgivable mistake, Mikey was already long gone and with no signs of ever coming back.

His door slams shut and Gerard winces not from the jarring noise, but from the pain it leaves pounding in his head as it all falls down around him...and this time he can't help but think this might be the beginning of the end.

~~~~~

Gerard throws the clear bottle against the wall dejectedly, hissing through gritted teeth when the broken glass rebounds and hits his skin, leaving little slashes and blood in their wake. What had he done? He pushed away the single person who had always been by side through the good times and the bad, and what had he gotten from it? He lost the one person he could count on; his brother Mikey.

Fuck, why does he even try anymore? It's not like it ever made a difference anyways. He'd always found a way to ruin everything from the very beginning and now, here he was doing the very same. It's as if he'd never learned. This is how it had always been and always will be. Gerard grabs another bottle by the top and tosses it carelessly against the wall as if it had any purpose but to allevitate some of the anger and hurt that welled up deep inside him. Fucking Frank. Why did he ever have to meet him? Things wouldn't be this way if they'd never met, yeah he'd still be an utter mess but he wouldn't have to deal with having his heart broke time and _time_ again because he couldn't get over a friendship that had begun in _kindergarten_. It had been years since everything between them went to shit. He needed to _get over it._

The bottle shatters into trillions of little pieces with an audible smash as it connected with the wall bringing him back to reality. He flinches instinctively from the noise, tensing up before relaxing once more. What was _wrong_ with him? There was no one here anymore. No one to hear the smash and come running to find him sitting among the shards of glass. No, they'd all left long ago.. and perhaps that was for the best.

Gerard slumped against the side of his bed with a pained whimper. Everyone's gone. _He_ forced them leave. His own fucking _brother_ couldn't even bear to be around him any longer. All because of him and his inability to get over someone who had forgotten him so long ago. Why is he letting this pull him down? Of course Frank would have wanted him to leave. It was common knowledge Frank had despised him ever since junior high. He shoves his hand into his pocket, pulling out the small container. The blue pills are tiny, barely bigger than his fingernail really but he finds it funny in some twisted way that something that small could be oh so addictive and so lethal when taken in the right dosage. They'd been prescribed to him just after his release from hospital but he thinks they'd do the trick if only he tried. He had experience with such things, after all.

Gerard throws them suddenly with a startling amount of force but the plastic doesn't shatter and break. Only bounces off the wall and onto a pile of unwashed clothing on the floor. It lays there mockingly, representing anything and everything he never had the guts to go through with.

He closes his burning eyes, barely aware of his violent shaking and ragged breath. What is _wrong_ with him? Gerard curls up on his left side on the worn down carpet, burying his face into his arm. Fuck Fuck _Fuck_

Somewhere upstairs he hears footsteps and the casual bump, clueing him in the presence of another person. Looks like Mikey had finally made it home. How great. It wasn't like Mikey would want anything do with him anymore anyways. Gerard allows himself if only for a moment to drift off to a time when everything had almost felt okay, even if it's only in his mind.

_"Are you mad at me, Gee."Mikey looks up at him, his lower lip quivering as his crooked glasses sit at the tip of his nose._

_"No, Mikes. I've just had a rough day is all."He sighs inwardly, his fingertips brushing the forming bruise on his cheek._

_"I'm sorry, Gee." Mikey gives him a small smile as he hugs him tentatively,"It's not your fault they beat you up."_

_Gerard gives him a half hearted smile,"I guess so, Mikes."_

_"You're a good brother, Gerard. So no matter what they say, you'll always be the best brother I've ever had." He pats Gerard's messy head of hair as if he's the eleven year old and not him before running off to play with his Lego's._

_Gerard's hardly even aware of it as tears start to fall down his bruised cheeks._

His face feels simultaneously sticky and wet as he wakes, the beating of his heart in his ears as his hand flew up to his face revealing the cause. Gerard wipes away stray tears with the back of his hand as his stomach starts to twist and churn uneasely. He stumbles to his feet, barely able to stand as he rushes through his room and up the stairs, only tripping once on a wobbly step near the middle. Before he can even flip on the bathroom light, the distinct taste of stomach acid rises up in his throat and he spills the entirety of his stomach contents on the tile floor.

Gerard grabs blindly for a bottle of mouthwash, the taste coating his mouth making him gag once more. It doesn't even take a second before he's doubled over again, his hair falling into his face and sticking to a particularly vile mixture of sweat and vomit.

"Fuck, Gerard."

Gerard struggles to lift his head,  squinting through the darkness to see Mikey standing in the door with an alarmed expression plastered on his otherwise tired face. He groans helplessly and lifts his head up more, feeling it rise in his throat; that awful _burning_ sensation. To his surprise, Mikey rushes behind him and pulls his hair back gingerly as it all comes up again. He wipes at his mouth futilely while Mikey hands him the mint mouthwash. It tastes infinitely better than stomach acid and he keeps it in his mouth for a long as he can bear even as it begins to burn his tongue.

"Mikey...I'm- I'm so sorry." Gerard slurs, staring up at him with pleading eyes.

"It's okay, Gerard. I know days like these can be especially difficult for you."Mikey pats him on the head and Gerard considers it well enough. It was as close to forgiveness he was likely to get until he fully made it up to him. "Now let's get you to bed."

Gerard gives him a faint but there smile and attempts to stand, only to fall once more and nearly landing in a pile of his own vomit. Mikey grabs him by the arm and helps him up, putting his thin arm around Gerard's shoulders to help balance him as they head for his room.

"Thanks, Mikey."Gerard mumble sleepily, letting out a soft yawn. "You're the best little brother an idiot can have."

A hint of smile ghosts Mikey's lips. "I know, idiot. Now go to sleep."

Gerard roll his eyes and snuggles underneath his comforter. When did his bed get _this_ comfortable? It was like sleeping on a bed of rocks on the best of days but for now it felt like a fucking _cloud_. He finds himself drifting off to sleep faster than he thought and soon, he's completely dead to the world. The very best way to be.


	16. Don't let it get you down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I had a picture to go with this chapter of Gerard's new haircut but I can't get it to upload. If at some point I'm able to add it to the chapter then I will. For anyone who wants to know Gerard's haircut is basically how it looked when his black haired cut from 2007 grew out a bit. I hope that's a good discription otherwise I am of no help.

**Gerard**

 

_"Idiot."Frank snarls, getting closer to him,"Didn't I tell you to stay away from me, ya fucking freak?"_

 

_Gerard doesn't answer him and he doesn't seem to like that as he shoves him roughly against the dented locker,"Answer me, faggot."_

 

_He wince slightly, trying to move away from where he's got him pinned but Frank jabs his elbow into his ribs causing him to whimper from the pain._

 

_"Well, well what do we have here?"It's a new voice but not unknown, he'd have to be stupid to forget._

 

_Gerard glares at him defiantly, desperately willing himself not to let his fear show...Fucking Bert McCracken. He grabs him roughly by his shoulder and shoves him to the ground. He curls up instinctively in a ball, hoping to avoid the worst damage that was sure to come._

 

_"Little faggot."Bert scoffs,"Think that'll save you." He sneers before he opens a locker next to them and his eyes widen with horrible knowledge that comes with it he as takes out a thick science textbook._

 

_Only the pain coarsing through him seems real as he slides into the heavy darkness...._

 

A shrill scream escapes his mouth as he finds himself staring into the suffocating darkness around him. Heavy footsteps echo in the distance, sounding so close yet far away. His door open suddenly and he flinches back as someone appears in the doorway......Instead of the image he had been picturing, he is instead met with one of a ruffled Mikey holding a baseball bat. He pushes his glasses up off the tip of his nose as he frowns.

 

"Damn it, Gee....I thought you were down here getting murdered."Mikey says with a deep frown on his face.

 

"Sorry Mikes, I was having a bad dream."Gerard mumbles awkwardly, carefully not looking up to meet his eyes.

 

Mikey's expression softens at the look on his face,"It's okay, Gee. Wanna go upstairs and watch Star Wars until we fall asleep?" 

 

Gerard nod quickly and practically jumps from his bed...but instead of getting to his feet he finds himself getting re acquainted with the floor as he is completely wrapped from head to toe in blankets. He squeaks embarrassingly and most people would be doubled over laughing their ass off....But not Mikey. He is Gerard's favorite brother ever. Then again helps that he's his _only_ brother.

 

Mikey walks over to him calmly before looking down to him with a blank expression,"How's the weather down there?"

 

"Fuck you, Mikey. Help me up."Gerard curses jokingly, a small smile playing on his thin lips.

 

"You didn't say the magic word."

 

"Mikey, it's not too late for me to be an only child."He snorts, struggling to get unwrapped from his unbearably warm prison.

 

"It's not too late for me either."Mikey replies calmly, hands on his hips.

 

"Help m- Wait what?"

 

Mikey promptly leaves his room then making no attempt to answer. He rolls his eyes as he finally gets the blankets off him and stands carefully. He grabs up some blankets before he heads off towards the stairs, making sure to flick his light back off before he heads for the living room where he can already vaguely hear the start of the movie.

 

Gerard plops down heavily onto the couch, stretched out on it casually. Mikey finally finishes up over at the television and makes his way over to the couch but stares blankly at him as he sees what Gerard is doing.

 

"Move it, Gee, or I'll shove you off."He moves as if to push Gerard and he jumps up giving Mikey a mock angry glare.

 

He takes one end of the couch like usual, snuggling in as the movie's opening starts.....

 

~~~~~~

 

The sun shines irritatingly bright into his eyes as they slip open, revealing little rays of light filtering in through the windows and making patterns on the floor. He groans, rubbing the back of his stiff fucking neck...sleeping on this lumpy ass couch = a really fucking bad idea.

 

He sits up and glances around the room, wincing slightly as he tries to adjust to the headache inducing light. Something clangs together somewhere and he stumbles to his feet, confusion written across his face as he searches for the cause. His grandmother's gray haired head peeks out from the doorway of the kitchen as if she can hear his fucking thoughts. 

 

"Oh hello, hun. Awake are you?" She smiles, rubbing her whiter than usual hands on her apron. 

 

Gerard can only nod his head and slowly walks towards her but she blocks his way into the kitchen. He stares at her blankly and she chuckles quietly," Don't go in there just yet." 

 

"I need coffee." He mumbles, not completely awake yet as he runs his  hand through his tangled, unwashed hair. 

 

"I'll go get you some. "She claps her hands before immediately rushing off into the kitchen where the clinking and clanging goes on and on," Oh and I was thinking we could go get your hair cut today." She calls to him.

 

Soon she emerges with a steaming mug of coffee and he practically snatches it from her in an attempt to be more awake. He'd need it if he wanted to get anything done today.

 

Gerard gulps down most of it in one go, not stopping to even acknowledge the burning in his mouth which spreads towards his fucking throat soon enough. He winces how fucked up his tastebuds must be right now but finishes it anyways. Jamia comes out right after with a wide grin and without a word takes the mug back with her. He sighs, glancing around with little interest....so what now? Maybe he should go ahead and start on that art project he had due....yeah that's what he'll do.

 

As he enters his room again, he looks around him and all he is met with is piles and piles of clothes. He groans in frustration and start to grab up random things up for washing...Looks like he won't be drawing anytime soon today.....

 

~~~~~~

 

He wipes away the sweat from his brow irritably before plopping down onto his made bed limply. _Motherfucker._...Finally finished. He glances out the corner of his eye at the floor that he can actually _see._ He lets his eyes close, listening as Bullet with Butterfly Wings starts to play. It took him the _whole_ fucking day but he fucking did it....

 

Gerard lays there contently as he decide to just lay there forever....or until the next showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which ever comes first. By and by he starts to drift off...until Mikey decides to barge in his room like an elephant stampede. He runs up to him and starts to shake him back and forth; _back and forth_. Gerard shoves him away with a groan,"What the fuck?"

 

"Grams wanted me to get you up. Cmon."He says plainly before leaving the room without giving any further information.

 

Not quite sure what else to do, he makes his way up to living room where his grandma is sitting with a joyful smile as if life was just perfect.

 

"Ready to go?"She asks, not bothering to rise to her feet as she looks to him expectantly.

 

"Go where?"He replies, his confusion evident as he brushes his bangs out of his eyes. What the hell is she talking about?

 

"To get your hair cut, silly. Now come on. Let's go." 

 

He finds himself nodding, despite the fact he doesn't really have much reason to try something new with his hair. Still he _has_ had the same hairstyle for most of his time in high school, maybe he could do with a change. They take their time going outside but soon enough they're in her car and heading off....

 

It's around three when they get back. As soon as he walks through the front door he's knocked to the floor...What the _fuck?_ Gerard looks up in time to see Jamia standing over him, water balloon in hand and a devious expression plastered on her face.

 

He shakes his head, eyes widening in horror as she throws it down an freezing water splatters all over him. He hisses at the instant shock of cold and the obvious state of his _hair._ He scrambles to his feet but she takes off and he has to go after her. He catches a glimpse of a purple water filled balloon laying _casually_ on the couch and he snatches it up ready to throw at any moment necessary.

 

Suddenly as he rushes into the kitchen, he sees someone moving about in the darkness. Gerard tosses it blindly and is met with a girlish squeal that is clearly all Mikey. He flips on the lights, met with the sight of a soaked Mikey who looks less than amused....more like an irritated toothpick really. He snorts at the comparison, not able to look at Mikey without laughing. 

 

Finally after _mostly_ getting himself under control he looks up at Mikey who despite knowing Gerard is laughing at him has a small smile on his thin lips. He gestures over to a pan on the stove and Gerard walks over. He has to blink back tears, turning to Mikey for answer.

 

"We all thought you might, uh, need some cheering up?"Mikey says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. This wasn't something typical of his brother after all so it was clear Mikey wasn't sure how he was going to react.

 

Gerard smiles with all his little teeth on display, a creepy sight indeed." This is amazing....How'd you make them look so much like all of us?"

 

"A magician never reveals her secrets."His grandma chuckles as she enters the kitchen accompanied by Jamia.

 

"Nice haircut, Gerard. It really suits you."Jamia mumbles through a mouthful of _something._

 

He snorts at that, rubbing his wet hair,"Yeah 'cause the wet dog look is really the way to go."

 

Grandma laughs and opens her mouth as if to say something but just before she can get anything out, her phone rings. She digs it out of her pocket and answers it with a sigh.

 

"Yes this is her."

 

"Really now?"She asks after a few seconds," _Fine,_ I'm on my way."

 

She ends the phone call after that and looks around to them with a weary look on her face. It clearly wasn't anything good.

 

"I'm afraid I have to go for a bit....I'll be back in an hour, okay?"She sighs and he hugs her briefly before saying goodbye.

 

She smiles as he shoves her cowprint purse over to her on the way out and closes the door behind her.....

 

~~~~

 

Elena doesn't come back in an hour.... she doesn't even come back in three hours. The sun had already set by that time and it only made them more anxious to find out what had become of her. She would have called if she was going to be late...she _would._

 

"Sit down, Gerard. You're making me nervous."Jamia snaps irritably as he continues to pace back and forth, almost wearing a path into the floor.

 

Suddenly as he hears the home phone ring a bad feeling settles in his stomach as Mikey answers. He can't make out anything that's said but as Mikey turns back to face them, his expression says it all.

 

"Gee......Grams is in the hospital."

 


	17. Nothing ever lasts

**Gerard**

 

He wipes uselessly at his wet face, trying not to let his trembling show as the doctor continues on.

 

"As I was saying, your grandmother died on impact. There was nothing we could do. I'm sorry for your loss."With that said he heads for the door but Gerard starts to rise from his chair, his whole being the very definition of anguish.

 

"You could've saved her!"He screams, trying to stand completely but Mikey holds him back so he couldn't do anything rash like go after that fucking doctor.

 

Jamia sends the doctor an apologetic look as he walks out shaking his head. As soon as he's gone, his knees give out and he slumps to the floor, choking on a sob. This was a fucking nightmare.

 

"She didn't have to die."Gerard sobs pitifully, tears blurring his vision.

 

He lets his head hang down, stringy unwashed hair falling into his face. Mikey shifts beside him and sits down next to him, saying nothing as he puts his awkwardly skinny arm around him.

 

Wetness hits his arm and he's vaguely aware of the fact that Mikey is crying as well. He moves him arm around him in a comforting gesture in return....They sit there in silence for what seems an eternity before Jamia breaks it.

 

"So um....I guess we'd better get you guys home?"She asks timidly as if she's afraid they'll snap at her...or rather that _he_ will.

 

Gerard wipes his runny nose with his hand before pushing his hair out of his eyes and standing up, sticking his hand out towards Mikey. He grabs it and hoists himself up. 

 

~~~~~ 

 

There's no true sense of time when they reach home but he can tell it's late....not just by the darkness that looms around them but the tiredness he feels, not only from his lack of sleep but this _whole_ day as well....all the stress and pain comes crashing down upon him all at once.

 

It's only Mikey and him here...Jamia left a little while ago. He's curled completely motionless in the corner of this couch and never has this house felt so empty and devoid of life as now. The tears have stopped though...for both of them. This pain inside remains though...He's sure that it will never fade away. Honestly he's not sure he wants it too.

 

He lays his aching head down on the arm of the couch hoping to sleep and find this to all be a dream, just a horrible dream.....As he starts to fall asleep he's hear a barely audible whisper,"I know she didn't." 

 

_Gerard sits his comic book down on his bed as his mother enters his room. Her makeup is still set in place as always but there's a certain tiredness he had never seen on her before and her hair was a bit lopsided as if it just gave up somewhere along the line. He frowns, brushing back his dark hair from his face."Everything okay, mom?"_

 

_She sighs, her expression pained as she takes a seat on the edge of his bed."I wish I could say so. There's something we need to talk about, Gee, you're not going to like this but you're going to pull through alright?" He's not quite sure what she's talking about and it only causes his stomach to drop as his anxiety grows worse._

 

_"W-What's going on, mom?" He swallows hard, struggling to keep his eyes on her face. Now that he thought about her eyes did look a bit redder than usual. What if...No, it wasn't possible._

 

_"Your father, he...."She trails off, unable to finish but he understands all the same._

 

_"No." Gerard whispers, trembling as his breathing starts to quicken. This can't be happening...It can't!_

 

_His mother makes a move as if to hug him but he just scoots away, not able to bear any contact right now. This was just a nightmare...He'd wake up soon. This wasn't real. It wasn't real. It wasn't real. **It wasn't real**. _

 

Gerard jolts up, sucking in a lung full of air but as suddenly as it comes it goes. A hand lands on his shoulder trying to stop him from the shaking he hadn't even realised he was doing...He flinches away from them instinctively but they just promptly put it back.

 

"Calm down, Gee. It's okay." He recognises Mikey's voice instantly and lets himself slump over, all his energy gone.

 

"Nightmares again?"Mikey questions though it's clear he already knows the answer.

 

"Yeah...something like that."Gerard mumbles, picking at the frayed bottom of his stained shirt.

 

Mikey nods knowingly before disappearing off to the kitchen. In his place comes a pair of arms flinging themselves around him and for an incredibly confusing second he thinks it's Elena.....He looks up at their face with wide eyes until he realises it's his mother.

 

Gerard moves away from her, ignoring the flash of hurt on her facial features. He rises to his feet, stumbling slightly as he walks away down the stairs into his own bedroom.

 

~~~~~

 

He rubs his puffy, red rimmed eyes with his fist, sniffling all the same as an hour ago. _Fuck_....He reaches out for the small container next to his bed and shake out two of the head 

ache pills. Wincing, he dry swallowes them as his headache keeps throbbing on. He curls up the best he can, rubbing his temple hoping for some relief.

 

As the pain slowly starts to fade away, he find himself drifting....Maybe he should take a nap? Get his mind off things....Yeah that seems about right.

 

Gerard buries his head under his puffy pillow as he starts to yawn, closing his eyes.....behind him he can hear the click of the door and he sigh in irritation knowing whoever it is, is gonna fucking bother him. Looks like he's not going to get any sleep anytime soon.

 

He shifts uncomfortably as the bed dips down when they sit. Silence fills the air as he wait for whatever's coming....but nothing does. Finally he forces himself to pull his face from the pillow and look up at the tear stained face of his mother.

 

"Hey."She says softly, wiping at the makeup tracks running down her face with a white lacy handkerchief.

 

"Hey."He gives her a half hearted smile and she smiles back.

 

"I know this is hard to swallow, Gerard, but we'll all get through this...someway, somehow......we always have."

 

"I know, ma."Gerard pats her hand, looking up at her empathetically.

 

"Do you um...want anything to eat, sweetie?.....I know you haven't ate in a day or so."She asks almost hesitantly but he only shakes his head.

 

"No thanks, ma....bu-but do you know where Elena's old brooch is?"

 

~~~~~~

 

A single tear drop runs down his cheek onto her red and black dress as he looks upon her. He smiles through the tears that follow through as he carefully fastens the heart shaped brooch to her dress.....It's a lovely dress really. She once said that if she died she wanted a dress that matched the one she wore the first time she met his grandfather. The brooch though...that was a part of _her._

 

_Gerard smiles widely as he opens the last present; it's only a small round box really but it's from Grandma Elena and her gifts are always the best! He opens the top of it to see...Her brooch?_

 

_"Grandma, this is your special brooch."Gerard states, confused as he looks up at her._

 

_"I know, honey....It's yours now...For my special grandson. I know you'll go places and now you'll have a piece of me when you go."She smiles sweetly, her silvery graying hair falling down upon her lavender shirt._

 

So this was all that way left to her. The woman he knew was dead and gone, he would never have a chance to truly speak with her again. It felt so wrong to see her laying there so still, she had always been doing something...Why not now? It was a pain like no other as he knew that she wouldn't be there anymore to give him advice when he was down and to maybe even see him down the aisle if ever got that point with someone. He'd never see her again.

 

Gerard makes sure the brooch straight before making his way down the aisle to the very last row taking a seat away from all the other people who had came to see Elena off.

 

Everything soon quiets down as the goodbyes end and the service starts.....

 

He gazes down upon the tombstone baring its mark as Mikey pats his shoulder comfortingly before heading off in their mother's direction. Everyone's left by now, her body already deep in the ground. Everyone leaves in the end, he guesses...First Frank, now Elena. Who's next?

 

"Hey...Gerard?" A warm yet slightly raspy voice startles me out of his thoughts.

 

Gerard whirls around to see Frank standing not that far a distance away from him, looking abnormally awkward. When he notices Gerard staring at him, he ducks his head down staring at his feet.

 

"What the hell? Why are you here?"Gerard snaps, crossing his arms as he turns to face him.

 

Frank just barely flinches,"I came to visit my uh...parents." There's flicker of pain in his hazel eyes,"I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, Gerard...."

 

"Yeah....Most people are. I still can't believe she's gone."His voice shakes as he speaks, looking down at the ground.

 

"I know the feeling...."Frank trails off,"So um, Gerard, I've been thinking about some shit ever since you left my house that last time...I know some shit has happened since middle school but I-I.....I want to be friends with you...ya know again."

 

Suddenly it seems as if all the air has gone from his lungs,"No. No. No." He mutters startledly.

 

"What?"Frank asks, looking all the more confused.

 

"No. Fuck no! You can't do that, Frank. You can't do it....you can't just come back into my life and be my friend again like nothing has happened. It doesn't work like that!!"He bursts out, emotions seeming to pour from him.

 

His eyes widen in a mix of guilt and pain but he doesn't seemed surprised....Like he expected Gerard answer to be as it is.

 

"I know shit has happened, Gerard.....But just...Just think about it, yeah?"Frank says calmly which doesn't make any of the emotion he feels calm whatsoever.

 

Gerard nod his head quickly before taking off running....as the first strikes of thunder booms and the trickles of rain that come soon after.....

 


	18. Darkness overhead

**Frank**

 

_"No. No. No."Gerard mutters over and over again like a broken record._

 

_"What?"Frank frowns,  genuinely confused._

 

_"No...Fuck no! You can't do that, Frank! You can't do it. You can't just come back into my life and be my friend like nothing happened!! It doesn't work like that."Gerard chokes out and Frank can tell he's close to tears._

 

_He flinches slightly but he's not surprised by his words...Frank had anticipated it. After all he'd done to him......_

 

_"I know shit has happened, Gerard...but just..just think about it, yeah?"He says trying to sound calm._

 

_Gerard appears to think it over before nodding rapidly just as a loud crack of thunder. He gives Frank an almost lost look before running off.....trying to beat the rain........_

 

_Frank ignores the cold dampness dripping down his face as he makes sure the daisies are in place at his parent's grave before standing and making his way over to the tombstone engraved with Here lies Elena Lee Rush. She will be surely missed._

 

_And as if a sidenote a little quote along the bottom could almost be missed. "Live life to the fullest and never let anything bring you down. We only have so long."_

 

_Frank carefully places a stray rose in the wreath on her grave before standing and making his way through the cemetery......._

 

He winces slightly as he lifts his aching head. Fuck....isn't that medicine supposed to _work?_ He gropes blindly for his phone and as his hand hits something hard he hears it hit the floor. Well isn't this just fucking great?

 

Frank forces his heavy eyelids open as he sits up and look over to the floor next to his bed. His phone _surprisingly_ isn't broken but at the exact moment he picks it up it starts to buzz. He presses answer quickly, wincing slightly as silence fills his ears.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey Frank...It's Jamia. Can you tell me what the hell you did to Gerard? I think you broke him..."Without even telling him, he'd still know it was her.

 

"What? I haven't done anything to Gerard. How could I break him?"He sighs irritably, shifting on his bed to get a little more comfortable.

 

"Well when he came back from the funeral it was like he was on autopilot....He hasn't left his room for the past two days. I asked him what was going on and all he said was your name."She replies, her voice not holding any emotion he can find.

 

"Look uh....all I did was ask him if he wanted to be friends again. I'm trying to make amends."

 

"What? I thought I heard you were changing, Frank! Instead you do this shi-"She starts to bitch but he cuts her off midsentence.

 

"I _have_ changed, Jamia. Look...I know I've done and said things that have hurt him but I truly want to be his friend again." Frank says with a drawn out sigh.

 

"Are you truly serious, Frank? 'Cause if you aren't and you hurt him again I will rip your balls off."He flinches at her words but gets her message.

 

"I'm more than serious, Jamia. I've fucked up so much in my life but I want this to be the one thing I get right...Getting my old best friend back."

 

"Fine, Frank. I believe you...to an _extent._ What do you need me to do?"Jamia asks and for a minute he's sure he's heard her wrong.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"What do I need to do to get you two to be friends again? It wouldn't take much to convince Gerard to be your friend again....He's wanted to be your friend again for _years."_ Frank's stomach swoops as she stresses the word years and he tries to shake off the feeling off him before he replies.

 

"Just....Just don't throw anything onto him all at once. He's going through alot and I don't want to trigger another breakdown."He murmures into the phone pressed against his ear.

 

"Will do. I'll call back later with any news." The call shuts off abruptly, as always she had to have the last word.

 

Frank lays back, pressing his palms over his heavy eyelids....what now? He glances at the time on his phone. Damn where'd the goddamn day go. Half a day fucking gone.

 

He wants coffee....but he doesn't want to leave bed. _Ahh,_ the age old conflict. Fuck...what is his life? Yeah, stop talking to yourself, Frank......It's weird. So what? No one's here to hear him.

 

"Hmm well I guess I'm no one then."

 

Frank whirls around in a mixture of surprise and an afterthought of shock as the person comes into view...... _Gerard?_ His mouth drops open slightly before he snaps it shut. What... _What?_

 

"What are you doing here, Gerard?"He gasps, eyes widening as he drinks in the sight of him.

 

"Well....Uh, Jamia said you wanted to be my friend again and that you're serious....and I-I just wanted to say that maybe we can be friends. But it won't be immediately. I don't trust you that much yet."Gerard rushes out his words out, looking suddenly bashful.

 

"I can understand that...so um what like changed your mind exactly?"Frank asks curiously, taking a step towards him. He had never thought Gerard would really believe him but he's glad all the same that he was wrong.

 

"I got to thinking after Jamia left my room....at first I had denied the idea of being friends again but then a thought popped into my head. What would it do? To just block you out after all these years of wanting to be friends again and finally for you to want the same."Gerard takes a breath before continuing,"So here I am."

 

His lips curve up into a small smile,"I'm glad you reconsidered. I was actually kind of missing you to be honest......."

 

"Really?"His heart aches as he hears the surprise and perhaps a bit of longing...as if he had been waiting a long, _long_ time for those words to be said.

 

"Yeah, really. So, um, maybe we should talk for a bit? Ya know get to know each other a bit more."Frank suggests awkwardly, gesturing to him to take a seat somewhere.

 

"That sounds like a good idea....But, uh, by any chance do you have coffee?"Gerard asks sheepishly and Frank jumps up off his bed as he realises he hadn't offered him any yet.

 

"Uh yeah...I'll go get you some. No creamer and a tiny bit of sugar?" 

 

"You remembered."The corners of Gerard's thin pinks lips curve upward into a smile.

 

Frank smiles back briefly if not a bit tentatively before rushing out the room. He barely makes it the kitchen in one piece as he had ran through almost knocking his grandmother and an incredibly ugly vase over in the over in the process. Taking about two mugs from the cabinet, he makes sure they're fairly clean before he starts to pour the freshly brewed coffee.

 

"So I see you two have made up."

 

Frank nearly shrieks as a presence suddenly makes themselves known behind him, causing for coffee to splash onto the floor. Goddamn it...what a waste of good coffee.

 

"You scared the shit out of me!"He exclaims, feeling slightly frustrated.

 

"I know....I just needed to get that out though, wanting to make sure I'm seeing things right."She replies, grabbing a can of whip cream out of the fridge before beginning to exit the kitchen,"Oh and Frank? I think you spilled a little coffee."

 

Snorting at her words, he starts to clean up his spill. After it sufficiently cleaned he finishes with the coffee and heads back to his room. When he enters, Gerard is laying on his bed, completely immersed in the comic book laying open before him.

 

He sits the coffee down as quietly as possible before grabbing a thin piece of rope laying on his dresser. He sneaks up behind him and carefully drops one end of it, dragging it quickly with one long, light stroke along his back. Immediately he squeals, eyes going wide as he wipes frantically at his back. Backing away laughing, he get a clear view of Gerard glaring at him over his shoulder. 

 

"You're an ass, Frank."He says, mock anger in his eyes as he sits up.

 

"I know."Frank replies simply, grabbing his mug,"Here's your coffee."

 

Gerard snatches it from his hands and gulps down a large portion of it in seconds,"Oh wow....This great."

 

"I made it sweet just like you."He blurts out just as Gerard takes another drink, causing him to almost spit it out and it comes out his nose.

 

"Goddamnit, Frank, that is so cheesy."Gerard cracks up, laughing so stupidly as he wipes away the coffee.

 

"I had to say it. It was just dying to be said."Frank insists before breaking off into a fit of laughter.

 

Gerard snorts as he takes another sip, much more carefully this time."Bite me."

 

"Don't test me, Gerard. I'll do it."He replies with a smirk and he can tell Gerard knows he's joking.

 

"So what have you been up to for the past few years? You know other than beating the shit out of me."Gerard says casually, scooting back until his back is to the wall.

 

Frank frowns at the last of his words,"Well....not much honestly. Typical stupid teenage shit, at least I haven't gotten arrested yet but I have definitely fucked up along the way. I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. What about you?"

 

"Just trying to get by mostly. I don't even leave my room enough for me to do anything that would land me in deep shit so my life has been pretty boring... _Well_ except the parts that involve you." He smiles crookedly at him and Frank swears Gerard's face looks a bit more pink than usual.

 

"Huh....Well what do you listen to now? Please tell you don't have shit taste in music."

 

"Well...I pretty much just listen to the same music I used to. Just more Iron Maiden."Gerard replies.

 

"Really? That's fucking awesome, dude."Frank exclaim, just the _slightest_ bit too loud.

 

The corners of Gerard's mouth curves up into a small smile as he takes a sip of his coffee then sits it down between his thighs,"Yeah, I know."

 

~~~~~~~

 

"Hey Frank.....What happened to your face?"Gerard asks after a bit, his face giving away his confusion and if he's seeing correctly.... _worry?_

 

"I.....what?"He mumbles, hand instinctively going to his left cheek where he knows well that a bruise resides.

 

"You look like you had the shit beat out of you!"

 

"Well, uh, I kinda did?" Frank responds awkwardly.

 

Gerard looks a bit taken back," What why? Who would want to beat _you_ up?"

 

"None other than Bert McCrackhead. He got pretty pissed when I said I couldn't be friends with him anymore. Didn't help when I called him an overgrown rat with greasy hair."Gerard giggles at his last words before going completely serious.

 

"Why did you stop being his friend?"

 

"Because I wanted to be yours and I'm not gonna pretend to hate you just to remain friends with that asshat."Frank says simply, taking a sip out of his now lukewarm coffee.

 

"So you really do want to be my friend?"Gerard asks as if he hadn't already made it clear.

 

"Nah....I'm just doing this to get in your pants."Frank snorts, watching as his cheeks turn humorously red,"Of course I want to be your friend!"

 

Gerard shoves him playfully causing him to fall off his bed. "You little fucker." Frank curses at him.

 

Frank standa up before shoving him back, laughing annoyingly loud. The other boy manages to sit up without spilling his coffee and glares at him which doesn't truly have that much impact. Looks like he didn't inherit the MikeyWay death glare like Mikey did. It was too scary to _not_ be inherited.

 

"You ass! I almost spilt my coffee."He pouts like a child but he doesn't seem to notice he's doing it.

 

Frank snorts as he picks up his own mug,"I happen to have the entire first season of The Twilight Zone on DVD. Care to watch?"

 

"Oh sure, it's been so long since I've watched that."He says after a sip of his coffee.

 

"I'll go put it on then."He replies, heading towards where he keep his DVDs.

 

"Do you have any pickles and ice cream?" Frank nods before leaving the room once more in search of their perfect snack.

 

Once in the kitchen, it's not too hard to find a carton of chocolate swirl and some dill pickles to eat it with. _Yes_ it might be fucking weird and sound like something a pregnant woman would eat...but guess what he's not pregnant...he thinks. That'd probably be more Gerard's thing though considering....

 

When he gets back in his room, he pops the show in before handing the ice cream and pickles over to Gerard. He puts it in his lap before scooting over on Frank's bed and patting the spot beside him. Frank stares at him for a moment before he takes a seat next to him right as the first episode starts to play....

 

~~~~

 

"Hey Frank?"

 

"Yeah Gee?"

 

"What happened to us? I mean, we were best friends for so many goddamn years...up until that one summer I had to go away."Gerard mumbles, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

 

"To be honest....I don't hardly know myself. That summer you went away I got into some really bad shit and in the end it effected not only me but those around me. Just look at what happened to my parents."He sighs, his mind going back to that day so many years ago. There wasn't much he remembered from back then but that day would forever burned into his memory." To make a long story short, they say I got amnesia and my memory...just never returned."

 

"Wow, Frank.... _Fuck_ I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you."Gerard trails off but he can tell there was more he wanted to say.

 

"It's not your fault, Gerard. You were going through alot back then too. It's just best to let the past be the past.

"

 

Gerard yawns and shifts beside him. As he doesn't respond to Frank, he then turns his attention back to the show.

 

By the time all the episodes are over Gerard is out cold laying on Frank's arm so if he wanted to move he wouldn't be able to. Not that he _wanted_ to move.......what? He sigh lowly before closing his eyes and letting Gerard cuddle up next to him as he soon finds himself drifting off......

 


	19. Hearless the sound becomes

**Gerard**

 

When he wakes he's surrounded by warmth in the darkness....He tries to sit up in confusion as he starts to realise he's not in his own room. Where the hell is he? He glances down where something restrains him from moving any further. 

 

His eyes widen in shock... _Frank?_ Holy fuck...He must have fell asleep in his room. Gerard tugs gently at his arm, trying to free himself but only manages to have him groan sleepily before Frank's lovely hazel eyes peek up at him. In a flash his arms unwrap themselves from around Gerard and he sits up, cheeks already flushing pink.

 

"Mornin'. "He mumbles, sleepiness evident in every syllable.

 

"G'morning." Gerard replies, attempting to move off the bed.

 

"So uh, wanna go and see if there's any coffee?"Frank suggests and he smiles, nodding his head quickly.

 

Frank stands up with his assistance and they head to the kitchen, where Frank's grandmother is at the stove cooking something that smells delightful.

 

"Hey, boys! How'd ya sleep?"She chuckles, glancing over her shoulder at the disleveled boys.

 

Beside me Frank chokes on the coffee he's sipping and Gerard turns to him to see if he's okay. He giggles quietly as he notices Frank's horrified expression.... _Fuck_ it looks like she just asked him if he was ready to get cooked into a midget pie.

 

"Why don't you two sit down and have some pancakes? I saw you two all cosied up in there so I didn't think I should wake you just yet. You looked pretty comfy, Frank."She winks at him and he hides his face in his tattooed hands groaning loudly.

 

"You live to embarrass me don't you?"

 

"It's what I do best."She grins, light gray hair falling into her face from the messy bun it's pulled in to,"Now eat."

 

She places a plate before both of them that is filled with pancakes and strawberry syrup before looking at them expectantly. He glances over at Frank who just smirks before starting to eat so he does as well.... _Wow_ it's  actually not that bad.

 

"I know, dear. It's a special recipe....and you might want to learn how not to voice your thoughts if you want to keep your thoughts your own."With a wink, she's out of the kitchen in a dash leaving a red faced Gerard and a laughing Frank.

 

He glares at him in mock anger before reaching over the table and poking him with a syrup sticky finger right in the middle of his forehead. His mouth drops opens in shock,"You touched me!"

 

"No shit, sherlock."Gerard mirrors his smirk from earlier, shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth before a feeling of something sticky drags itself down his cheek.

 

He gasps as he grabs a napkin and start to wipe it off whilst glaring at Frank who's backing away slowly as if he can read Gerard's thoughts. He jumps up and start to run after Frank but he's already taken off.

 

Gerard chases him throughout the house before finally managing to tackle him in the living room which is an admittedly great feat for someone like Gerard.

 

"I've got you now!"He cackles as Frank squirms under him.

 

Gerard reaches down to tickle him but a sudden presence makes itself known,"Um guys?"

 

He knows immediately that it's Mikey and rolls off of Frank blushing fiercely, knowing how they must have looked. Frank looking disheveled with him on top of the other boy....Oh. My. _God._

 

"Was I just interrupting something?....Never mind I don't want to know."Mikey looks incredibly uncomfortable, something uncharacteristic of him.

 

"What um...what are you doing here, Mikey?"Frank inquires finally finding his voice after a few minutes.

 

"Jamia said Gerard came over here and when he didn't come home last night I figured he'd be here. So um....are ya coming, Gee?"Mikey shifts from foot to foot awkwardly.

 

"I guess....I'll send you a text later, Frank."Gerard send him a nervous smile as he nods in return, smiling a smile of his own as Gerard makes his way out the door with Mikey by his side....

 

~~~~~

 

"So by the looks of it you two have made up." Is the first thing out of Mikey's mouth when they get home after a quiet trip from Frank's.

 

"Yeah....mostly anyways. I'm trying to not to be too trusting. He seems to have really changed though. He's like the same guy I knew back all those years ago."Gerard replies while he walks towards the kitchen.

 

"I'm glad for you, Gee. But if he even hurts you even a little bit there'll be hell to pay...From what a source of mine said a particular someone is going to rip off Frank's balls if he does that."

 

"I don't think he'll do anything to hurt me at this point. The dudes is absolutely _covered_ in bruises from Bert so this _must_ mean something to him....At least I think so anyways."He says quietly, pouring some lukewarm coffee in a hideously pink heart shaped mug.

 

"What do you mean covered in bruises?"Mikey asks, coming up behind him with his standard unicorn mug.

 

"According to him, he told Bert he didn't want to be friends with him anymore and that didn't exactly go over well with him."Gerard replies from behind his mostly full mug.

 

"Is that so? Anyways did you hear about Brendon?"

 

"Who's Brendon?"He rolls his eyes as Mikey gives him the death glare,"Do you mean that brown haired guy who's alway drooling over Ryan Ross?"

 

"That's the one...Their band, Panic! At the Disco, got signed."Mikey sets about getting his coffee fixed up with tons of creamer and sugar, one look at it makes Gerard gag at the very sight of it.

 

"Good for them. Why exactly did I need to know that?"He coughs lightly from practically inhaling his own coffee and sits his mug down.

 

"They have a show tomorrow night...want to go? They're pretty cool."

 

"I don't know....maybe. Hey wanna watch Return of the King?"Gerard suggests, walking towards the door where he could make his escape.

 

"I'll have to pass on that, bro. I've got to go see somebody."Mikey says, crossing his bony arms. He doesn't seem to have given up about going to that show but no one can never quite tell with him.

 

Gerard stifles a sigh and heads through the hallway without questioning him. He'd really rather not know. He makes sure to lock his door behind him before he falls onto his bed face first. Might as well

 

~~~~~

 

"So what happened between you and Frank?"Mikey yawns, stretching his long limbs out and almost hitting Gerard in the face in the process.

 

He glares at him before answering,"It's not really my story to tell. Just he....He got into some bad shit while I was gone and he payed the price."

 

"The price being your friendship."Mikey replies calmly, eyes still closed.

 

"More than that, I think."Gerard murmures, laying his head back down on the arm of the couch.

 

"I bet. So are you going to go to the show or not?"

 

Gerard groans, this again."I don't know, Mikey..."

 

"You need to get out more, Gee. You hardly ever go anywhere."He yawns loudly, opening his eyes to stare blankly at him.

 

"You're starting to sound like mom, you know....and I know that. I just...I just don't want to go anywhere. I'm pretty content with staying here...beside I might be making a new friend."He retorts though he knows he's not going to win an argument against Mikey. It's just not possible.

 

"Whatever, Gee."Mikey mumbles,"I'm going to bed."

 

He stands up, messying Gerard's hair intentionally as he goes by leaving the room. Gerard laya there for a few minutes before with a pained groan, stumbles up and heads for his own room. The intense mixture of paint and old coffee remains there as always. Sometimes he wonders if that's how he smells to others.

 

He falls flat into bed, burying himself under blankets as he soon falls asleep............

 

"Up."

 

Gerard groans, swatting at the dark figure above him," _N_ _ooooo."_

 

"Get up, Gee, or I'll roll you out."Mikey warns as he shakes him repeatedly.

 

He smacks Mikey's bony arm as he opens his eyes in defeat, sitting up,"I don't want to go, Mikey."

 

"You need to get out more, Gee. Besides Frank's gonna be there."

 

Gerard perks up from his slumping at that,"He is?"

 

"Yeah, mothefucker. Now get up. We're gonna be late."

 

~~~~~~

 

Gerard pats his hair down a bit as he makes his way over to a mostly empty corner, Mikey had already gone to find Alicia. 

 

Alicia is apparently his new girlfriend. At least he's kinda happy now....When Ray told him he wanted to take a break for a while Mikey was crushed. It didn't help that the next day he saw Ray making out with that girl Christy or whatever her name is. 

 

Up on stage the band is announced and he can vaguely make out who is who. They don't say too much but they more than make up for it when they start to play a song they called Build God, Then We'll Talk. _Huh,_ they're actually pretty decent.

 

"Hey there." A warm hand touches his shoulder and he squeaks, whirling around.

 

He gasps as he sees it's just Frank,"Jesus christ, Frank. Gonna give me a fucking heart attack."

 

He snorts, his smile bright and conveyed a general friendlyness."Wouldn't want that now, would we?"

 

Gerard roll his eyes as he turns back to the band, not saying another word while Frank comes to stand beside him.

 

"They're really good."Frank says after a short while.

 

"Yeah."

 

Once they leave the stage, Frank waves his hand infront of Gerard's face to catch his attention.

 

"So uh, want to get out of here and do something?"He asks awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

 

"Like what?"Gerard replies, searching the crowd for Mikey so he could let his brother know he was leaving.

 

"I don't know....like catch a movie?" Frank frowns, crossing his arms." How about we go take a walk in the park? I haven't gone there since I was really young."

 

"Sure....I have to tell my brother that we're going though or he'll irritate me to no end for _worrying_ him."He responds, smiling absentmindedly at him.

 

"You mean Mikey?"

 

"Yeah."Gerard giggles,"What other brother do I have?"

 

"I don't know..."Frank trails off,"Oh I think I see him over there!"

 

 _"Mikey!_ "Gerard yells as loudly as he can, trying to catch his attention.

 

Mikey looks up, clearly searching for who called his name. He waves and starts to tug an exhausted Alicia along with him towards them.

 

"Hey Gee, where'd you get off to."Mikey asks though it's really not a question. It was pretty obvious.

 

"Just over here. Hey we're going to go hang out...I'll be home later."

 

He nods knowingly,"Just make sure you're home before one."

 

"Okay, _mom._ "Gerard snorts."So wanna leave now, Frank?"

 

Frank nods quickly, a small smile playing on his lips. They turn from Mikey then, saying their goodbyes before heading through the crowd to leave.

 

~~~~

 

"Push me, motherfucker!" Frank exclaims, running towards the swings. 

 

Gerard laughs quietly and follows close behind him in the darkness, the only light from a not too far off streetlight. He waits while Frank gets into the swing and starts to push him as he asked. As he gets higher and higher Gerard almost gets kicked a few times but he can't find it in himself to care. Frank was the very picture of happiness, a wide smile plastered on his face and his eyes closed as the wind hits his face. 

 

He jumps off after a bit, landing on his feet but stumbling as he tried to regain his balance. After a while he made his way over to Gerard, looking exceptionally tired.

 

"Want to head back to my house?" He asks, tugging up the hood on his hoodie.

 

"Sure if you don't mind me passing straight out on your floor or something."Gerard yawns, crossing his bare arms as they started to walk along the sidewalk.

 

It doesn't take them too long to get there and soon they're sneaking to his room, actively trying to avoid his grandma. He knew well enough that she'd have alot of questions about what exactly they were doing and they really weren't up to that today.

 

Frank chuckles suddenly, running a tattooed hand through his dark hair. He fights to hide the smile on his face and Gerard frowns, his confusion evident.

 

"What?"

 

Frank shakes his head and sits down on his bed to work on getting his shoes off," It's nothing. I just- why don't you sit down?"

 

It's obviously a good idea after being on his feet for most of the night so he does as Frank suggested, kicking off his boots so he can sit with his legs layed out in front of him.

 

"Hey Gee?"

 

"Yeah, Frank?"

 

"You know you're amazing right?"

 

"No, I'm really not."Gerard mumbles feeling his face start to heat up.

 

"You really are, I've never met anyone like you. You- You're just so...."Frank trails off, leaning in close to him and pressing his lips to Gerard's in a flash.

 

He gasps and kisses him back without a single thought except how warm his lips are and how heart seems to skip a beat. Frank pulls back with a faint smile ghosting on his lips and lays his head down on his pillow.

 

"You can sleep here if you want...I don't mind."

 

Gerard nods, barely aware at that point as he curls himself up against Frank's side and falls fast asleep as soon as his eyes close...

 

~~~~ 

 

In the morning, he wakes to find Frank is already awake, sitting on the floor stiffly against the wall. He watches as Gerard sits up and as his sight clears, he realises tears are falling fast down his face.

 

"What's wrong, Frank?" Gerard asks quietly, trying to catch his eye.

 

He avoids Gerard's gaze, instead looking at the glass in his hand,"You should leave."

 

"What, why?" 

 

"You should leave."He repeats in the same monotone voice, visibly shaking.

 

"What's wrong, Frank?"Gerard asks desperately, reaching out to him.

 

Frank flinches away and he wipes a tear away from his eyes as he repeats the same as before.

 

"Fine."He whispers, feeling a lump in his throat as he gets off of the bed and heads for the door....

 


	20. It's not always happily ever after

**Frank**

 

It's been weeks since he last saw Gerard.

 

He honestly doesn't even know if he _wants_ to see him....But then again he really fucking does...It's incredibly confusing.

 

Frank just doesn't know what's going on with him.....He shouldn't have kissed Gerard. He's not gay. _He's not gay._ But it felt so.... _right._ Fuck.

 

He tosses his phone against the wall in frustration when he finds himself on the brink of calling Gerard. He probably wouldn't even want to see Frank anyways even if Frank wanted to see him. Which he doesn't...He thinks.

 

He _does_ want to still be his friend though....Thinking about it now, he really misses hanging out with him. But he's not gay....He's not fucking _gay._ That he's sure of.

 

He just looked so... _sweet._ It's not exactly the right word but there's no other way for him to put it. The way his hazel eyes would shine so brightly and the endearing way he would talk out the side of mouth...and in that moment there was no other place he'd rather be.

 

Meat is Murder starts to play suddenly and he jumps up as he recognises it as the ringtone on his phone. He's quick to swipe it up and look to the caller ID. He sighs then as he tosses it onto his bed, seeing that it's only Jamia calling for the thousandth time.

 

Frank would rather not get chewed out by his ex girlfriend thank you very much. She was beyond fucking pissed when she found out what happened and she had came by multiple times banging on the door which he had enough goddamn sense to not open. After two weeks of off and on trying to get to him, she finally stopped but left him a voicemail saying she was going to beat the ever living fuck out of him when she saw him.....it's safe to say he hadn't left home in these past few weeks following the major fuckup of their friendship.

 

He hears a sharp bing! noise and knows that it's most likely Mikey. They're all constantly living in fear of him. The dude can be pretty terrifying when it comes to Gerard. At first...after hd had cleared his head, he expected _Mr.-I'll-Gut-You-With-A-Straight-Face_ to come and do exactly that but instead all he sent was a photo of Gerard curled up in a ball...His face tinged red with streaks of mascara running down and multiple bottles of booze strewn every which way.

 

Frank couldn't help but look at it and a heavy ball of regret and shame settled into his stomach where it was sure to reside for a very long time.

 

He honestly wanted to keep being friends with him...What happened that night was just a moment of weakness. It shouldn't have happened. He wishes he could have stopped himself from doing it....then at least he would still have someone who will speak to him without threatening to rearrange his face.

 

Frank sucks in a ragged breath as he lets his eyes slide shut. It wouldn't do any good to ever see Gerard again anyways...he probably hates him. Yeah, most likely.

 

Sometimes....Frank thinks he remembers the old times, when they were still the best of friends and nothing was complicated but whenever he tries to pursue the memories they vanish. If there was anything that he could wish to do over is his friendship with Gerard....He didn't deserve the shit that's happened through all these years. Gerard deserved a better friend.

 

His phone bings yet again but hs refuses to move...it doesn't matter anyways. It can only be bad. He has no friends anymore, really....He's fucked up every connection he ever had with anyone.

 

It rings again but cuts off abruptly after four minutes....It beeps signalling a voicemail, he groans slightly as he snatch his pillow up and put it over his face. _Fuck_ He gropes blindly around him for a bit before his fingers hit something hard. He grabs it up, scrolling through to check it out...Who the fuck knows?

 

Frank click on the voicemail and it starts to play.

 

" _You've really fucked up bad this time, Frank. I told you if you weren't fully serious to not even fucking attempt to try anything with Gerard. You've done alot of shit through the years but that doesn't even fucking compare to how badly you fucked up this time. You screwed him up, you dick, and you don't even have the decency to try to fix what you've done. No wonder no one wants to be around you. You fuck up everything._ " Jamia's voice cuts off after the last remark, her voice like ice as he struggles through listen to it.

 

He sits there in silence; completely motionless before throwing his phone against the wall then curling up on his bed as much as he can. He buries his burning face into his pillow as tears start to fall from his clenched shut eyes.

 

He fucks up everything. _He fucks up everything._

 

Frank sniffles, any noises he could make muffled by the pillow. He takes a deep breath trying to get a hold on himself before he catches a smell he couldn't possibly forget....It still smells like him.

 

~~~~

 

_"Your hair looks great, dude!"Frank exclaims, tugging lightly on a lock of his hair._

 

_"You think so?"His cheeks tinge light pink and there has never been a better sight._

 

_"Of course I do. You-...I mean your hair always looks great."He smiles widely at the newly short haired Gerard._

 

_His head ducks down but his hair isn't quite long enough to hide his face anymore,"Thanks, I guess. "_

 

_"I really mean it, Gee."His smile turns soft as he's see him smile back hesitantly._

 

_Gerard looks up at that, pink still colouring his face as he bites his lip, so stupidly adorable. Frank can't help but to lean in close and pull him even closer......_

 

He awakes with a gasp, feeling heat rush through his body in time with the events the dream leaves in his mind. A heavy ball of _something_ settles in his stomach that he can't quite understand. Sometimes....he wishes that he could go back in time and stop himself from ever meeting Gerard. It would make everything so much easier for the both of them now.

 

There's so much you never know...the what ifs and such. If they hadn't became friends that day far back to the time of kindergarten would he pass Gerard in the hall during school, not even noticing him? 

 

Would he have started being friends with Bert? Would he bully Gerard? _What if. What if. What if._

 

Frank kicks his blankets off his body with a pained sigh. _Fuck_ He glances to the time on his alarm clock, it was almost noon at that point. 

 

He slowly starts to get out of bed after a long debate of whether it was worth it or not. He stumbles to his feet and run a hand through his messy hair in an attempt to make at least _some_ of it to sit down where it's sticking up every which way. Once he finds his general balance he can unlock his door and carefully make his way out into the hallway, making sure to stay mostly quiet....who knows who could be there?

 

Frank heads to the kitchen, his grandmother nowhere in sight. He grabs a glass from the cabinet right above the fridge before starting to search through it looking for the most appealing drink.

 

Finally he just settles on the carton of orange juice and pours his glass about half way full before he takes a drink.

 

"Thirsty?"

 

He shrieks in a not so manly way and whirls around, orange juice sloshing everywhere. He groans as he sees his grandma standing there with her arms crossed, hair in a loosely done bun as always.

 

"Goddamnit don't _scare me like that,_ jesus fucking christ." Frank clutches his chest as if it will help calm down his pounding heart.

 

"Don't curse, Frankie."She scolds, smoothing back her hair,"Why don't you come sit with me in the living room?"

 

"Uh...Okay, I guess?"Frank replies in his confusion.

 

He grabs his cup of orange juice and follow after her into the living room which was completely empty except for them. He sits down uncomfortably at the left end of the couch as she fiddles with the remote on the other side.

 

"They said Titanic is about to come on. How does that sound?"She says slowly, finally seeming to find the correct buttons.

 

"Sounds, uh, good."

 

She settles on a channel that he doesn't really focus on then grabs a bowl of popcorn from beside her feet. She sets it between them as he stares at her in disbelief.

 

"What?"She exclaims as she finally notices his staring.

 

"Do you just have random bowls of popcorn sitting around?"

 

"I have some candy too, uhh hold on."She digs around on her side before pulling out a package of Twizzlers,"I also have some Dots around here somewhere..."

 

Frank snorts as he takes the Twizzlers from her and open them before taking one out. He bites off both ends before starting to nibble on the right side.

 

They watch most of the movie in silence, none of their regular joking taking place....its not like he expected it anyways. She keeps glancing at him ever so often, becoming more and more frequent.

 

"So uh...I heard from a little birdy that something happened between you and that nice boy, Gerard."She says finally, after all that unnerving staring.

 

"Uh...yeah."Frank replies awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

 

"What happened? I honestly thought you two were getting along so _well."_

 

"So did I...Bu-"Frank admits before stopping abruptly and starting again,"But I guess I just kind of messed everything up."

 

"His brother, Mikey, called me...Said that you messed up his brother. That that Gerard wouldn't even get out of bed anymore..."

 

"I know..."He mumbles, guilt laced heavily throughout his words and feels as if he got punched in the gut.

 

There's silence for what seems an eternity and he starts to think she's going to let it go just as she speaks again,"You didn't mean to hurt him did you?"

 

"Of course not. Just...Just everything was going way too fast and I lost control. I wish I could change what happened....but I can't and no one seems to understand that I'm paying for this too."Frank blurts out as tears threatening to spill over.

 

She reaches over the popcorn, her expression softening as she pulls him into a tight hug,"Oh honey, I know it'll get better even if it takes some time. I'm sure of it."

 

~~~~

 

By the time he makes it to the cemetery it's late in the afternoon.

 

Frank make his way slowly through the iron gateway as dark gray clouds hang ominously overhead. All around him there's silence mixed in with a sense of calm and there doesn't seem to be anyone there.

 

He walks through with purpose till he reaches the ones he's looking for...His parent's graves. He crouches down between them with a weak smile and some daisies in hand. They were a favorite of both of his parents alike.

 

"Hey ma and pop."Frank chokes out as he lays some of the flowers on each grave,"How are you doing? 'Cause I'm not doing so great. I know you guys remember Gerard...I know you wouldn't remember us stop being friends but we became friends again and I...I fucked everything up."

 

A single tear manages to slide from his tightly shut eyes and falls onto the ground. He opens his mouth to speak again but a soft sobbing catches his attention.

 

He rises up and listen attentively as he tries to find the source. Left, right....going and going until he finally ends up at Elena's grave. 

 

Gerard sits on the ground, knees pulled to his chest. All that can be heard is his breathing and those soft sobs that pull at his heart strings.

 

"You never got to see it but..but me and Frank were friends again. I was so happy to just be near him again..You knew how much I missed him all those years. We're not friends anymore...He made me leave one morning after he had kissed me...I wish he hadn't."

 

"Gerard."Frank manages to get out as he watches him in complete shock.

 

He gasps and stumbles up to face him."Frank...what are you doing here?"

 

"I came to,uh....see my parents."Frank mumbles awkwardly, staring towards the ground.

 

"You shouldn't have came over, Frank...Just...Just leave me the fuck alone. Haven't you hurt me enough?" No matter how hurtful his words sounds there's no malice in them...Just a slightly pleading tone.

 

"I'm not the same, Gee! Just listen to what I have to say, okay?"

 

"Don't call me that. You can't call me that."Gerard stutters out,"I don't want to listen to your lies, Frank. I've been through all of this shit one too many times. I'm sick of it."

 

"I know I've hurt you...but just listen to me...I've changed, Gerard. I'm sorry, okay?"

 

He clamps his hands over his ears,"I fucking told I'm listening to your lies anymore! You never changed....I was stupid to think you ever did." 

 

With that he dashes off and Frank can't quite bring himself to go after him.......

 

He doesn't really know how he got home.....All he can think of is how his expression looked...so fucking betrayed and hurt like someone had stomped on his heart then laughed. He should have gone after him and _made_ him listen...He had probably lost any chance he had to salvage what little friendship they had left.

 

Frank sighs as he wipes away a stray tear and get off his bed as a thought passes through his mind. Maybe he should go to his house....He needed to at _least_ try to make Gerard listen to him. 

 

It doesn't take him very long to get there. A funny feeling settled in his stomach as he knocks. No one answers the door for at least twenty minutes despite his insistent knocking. The door opens on the first try. He goes in quietly as he walks to the stairs leading to Gerard's room where the door stands slightly cracked. What the hell?

 

Frank give the door a light push and it opens, revealing an a bare bed and desk in an otherwise empty room. All the clothing that last covered the floor and most of the area in there is gone. Gerard is nowhere to be seen...Only a motionless Mikey sitting hunched over on Gerard's bare bed.

 

Frank makes his way over to him quickly as he spots a note in his trembling hands. He pry it out of his hands and start to read.

_Dear Mikey,_

_I'm sorry it had to end this way. You were the best brother I could wish for, through everything you stayed by my side. All this shit going on with Frank has opened up my eyes to the fact that shit is just going to get worse if I stay. As I'm writing this I've kind of realised that even through everything that's happened and life just generally being a bag of shit, these have been some of the best years of my life just by being able to be around the people I love. Please don't blame yourselves for this and try not to be too hard on Frank either. It's really not his fault. He's never been too sure of himself...Of who he is and what he wants._

 

_I guess it's time to say goodbye now and you know for once I'm not crying. I've come to peace with my only option and someday I hope you all do too. Never change, Mikey, I know you can make it._

 

_Love, Gee_

 

Frank choke out a sob as he finishes. This can't be happening. As if on cue Mikey bolts up and shoves him carelessly out of the way,"This is your fault!" He hisses at Frank before storming out.

 

He sits there in Gerard's bed for what seems ages before he notices an imprint on the back of the page. He turns it over where a single sentence lies.  _Near East West, you're our right kind._

Frank sighs inwardly as he reads it. What does that mean?

 

On the floor behind the desk he spots another piece of paper, without any lines. He walks over to it and pull it out to find a sketch of Gerard and him in a tight embrace...Pure happiness shining out on their faces, as if there was nothing but them.

 

He barely notices it when he starts to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end....of this story. However, to anyone who cares to read more of this I have started a sequel called What Never Ends which will be added onto Archive of our Own quite soon.


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